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In a little less then 2 months will be the one year anniversary trip to Patrick B. Hassis, which some may or may not know is a mental hospital and I spent a week there the first week of August 2010 due to a psychotic episode when I had and was planning on carrying out a suicide plan. I planned to soak my wrist in ice water until the went numb, the to put three vertical slits in my wrists then let them bleed out in wartm water to pull the blood out faster. I was also cutting myself to release the pressure. I know many people don't understand why girls cut but for me it's like letting the air out of a balloon, the bad stuff just goes "woosh" with the air and it really does make me think clearly for a bit.
Iadmit, the past few weeks, I have been thinking about suicide a lot more recently then I had been. This is totally my fault for not keeping my therapist appointments and psychiatrist appointments, but now I'm getting that knot in my throat and trying to relationaze the effect me taking my life would have on my family....especaially my kids. I know they would get over the pain at some point but they would never forget me.
I;ve totally called my therapist and he is supposed to call me back tomorrow and I will get a chance to talk to him anout the way I've been feeling and then the psychiatrist will dosomething to tweak my meds around.
Just keep your fingers crossed and me in your thoughts that I have the streangth to fight this battle one more time.4
Love to you all, more so then others (h)
