What you see isn't always what you get. Although I might look like a douche bag, I'm very much the opposite of a douche bag. Whatever that is. I'm like.....a bag of something good. Like peanut butter cups or something. I don't know. Maybe a bag of doritos. Everyone likes them.

I just wanted to let you know that clicking my profile doesn't automatically deposit money into your bank account, nor will it increase your penis and/or bust size, either. So if that's why you clicked it, I apologize for any disappointment. However, it will clear your skin, grow any hair lost from male-pattern baldness and dry meat to make tasty jerky!

By the way, I'm straight. No offense to you gay fellers on here, but please keep your comments/requests to yourself. I like vagina and boobies. Why is it that this site tells me whether or not someone is a "fuberlord", which I could give a fuck about, but there's no way to find out someone's sexual orientation? It's absolutely ridiculous. I have my own penis, thank you. Furthermore, if you're a dude PERIOD, please have a reason to talk to me. This is a bar, right? No straight dude like some random guy coming up to them to make friends unless they have a REASON. "Hey man, I saw your KsE shirt. Did you see them last month when they played here?" See? That's a reason to say hi to another dude. If you just send me a shout saying "hey, what's up?" and you're a dude, you'll be ignored and blocked. Once again, nothing against gay guys, but if you do that, I'll assume you are gay as well and I'm just not interested in that. If you're doing that and you're straight, please be aware of the thousands of available, hot women on this site. If you need help finding some of them, look around my page. You'll find more than a few, I hope. Just don't be a fucking creep when talking to them.

Oh...and one more thing. Hey, you douche bags using someone else's pics to get someone's attention. You're fucking PATHETIC. What is the point? Woah...this chick is hot. Wait a minute...that's not her! She's actually a hideous chud that looks like John Madden! Unreal. And if you're a dude using a girl's pic as your default....what the FUCK is the point? Are you TRYING to attract men? Fucking ridiculous.

And yes...I've removed the ability for html comments to be used on my profile. Why? Because I don't need some glittery naked cartoon bitch with her ass up in the air that says "Happy Hump Day" on my profile. Just talk. Use words. Say hi. Speak english....not glitter.

So you've got a Fu-Hubby or Fu-Wife? You're Fu-engaged? Congratulations! You're an asshat! People in their 30's with cyber spouses is about as cool as William Shatner singing a cover of "Bark at the Moon". Wait, even that's cooler. I also love seeing people's names on here like "Dark Wizard of Narnia - President of the Dark Guild of Virgins". Hey...no one cares, dude. Actually...maybe someone does....and if you do, please don't talk to me. =)

Yes, I post blogs. And no, they're not to "level" me, "promote" me, "own" me "bomb" one of my pics or help me win some gay fucking contest. They're actually interesting most of the time and worth reading. Check them out. Little things make me angry and that's always fun to read about, right?

And finally, props to all you older women trying to get your fill of the young penis on here, but if you're older than my mom, please reconsider contacting me. =)