Ok so a bad to start to Halloween. I had a horrible dream about oh let's say 3:00 this morning. I dreamed that I ran into my ex-husband and that he talked me into going back to him. It's dreams like these, that make me want so bad to see him, and ask him if he really did love me. Overall he really wasn't a bad person, and I know it wouldn't have been as bad if he hadn't been on drugs, but the fact of the matter is that he was. And the drugs made him a very mean person. Being a single mom is hard. I love my daughter to death and would do anything for her. I would give anything to find someone that loved me and my daughter, regardless of the circumstances. But it seems that I can't find a decent guy. Why is that? Am I looking in the wrong places??? My birthday is in 6 days, and I want to run away and never come back. I want to take a vacation that is never going to end. I'm tired of acting happy for everyone, when inside I can't stop crying. Is it EVER going to end? I'm tired of being strong for everyone else, I'm tired of hiding who I am and who I want to be, I'm tired of life. I wish I could kill myself, but I know I can't, because my daughter needs me. She's the only thing keeping me going. So tired..... god dammit
