I have actually never had a pick up line used on me... I honestly thought they were a myth right up until college when I had a friend come up to me excited about this great line a guy used on her. The line...
Do you wash your jeans in windex? Because I can see myself in them.
There I was stunned that this drivel actually worked on someone. But there after I have had a facination for thinking up and hearing bad pick up lines. Again not that they are ever used on me, because truthfully that is not the approach guys take with me. Or if they do I don't notice because I snipe back with some cutting line that makes them run home. But anyway for my amusement here are a few more lines:
- Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
- I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
- Excuse me, I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
- Excuse me, I need your phone number to give my friend so he'll know where he can get a hold of me in the morning
- There are two-hundred-and-sixty-five bones in the human body. How'd you like one more?
- If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
- Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked
- You're so beautiful, I'd never kick you out of bed... unless you wanted to do it on the floor
- The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
- If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
- My magic watch tells me you're naked- wait maybe it's a few minutes fast
- Do you live on a chicken farm? No? Well you sure know how to raise cocks.
- If I were you, I'd have sex with me.
- Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Shall I call you or nudge you?
- How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
- That outfit looks good on you... but it would look a lot better on my floor (okay I have heard this from bfs but that's after I was picked up)
- Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
- What do you say we go back to my room and do some math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply
- There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
- Screw me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?
- I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away
- Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world.
- Wow, you with those curves and me with no brakes.
And along the same lines... snippets of conversations with a friend.
friend: is the social network to get laid off twitter because I recently learned that works
Me: Did you recently get laid off twitter? Was it by a twit?
another conversation
Me: Sure take dating advice from me... I'm sure everything will be perfectly okay
Friend: always bring a backup knife and a pair of handcuffs with some valium?
Me: Well yes, although some people don't respond well to valium so I like to do an old school back up of chloroform.
If you're not laughing at life, you're missing the joke. One of my favorite quips... Life, remember no one gets out alive.
