SO SO SO torn between what to do....i know that i am not happy...I know that i probally will never be...I have my moments in time...But i know that making me happy is my number one thing anymore..I alway made everyone else happy before me...I have had so many people use me, and down right do me Dirty!!I use to have such a big ol warm heart, those grimmy people turned my heart cold...I still am a good ass person, just less naive i guess...maybe sometimes not even that cause i still have faith in some....I don't want to hurt no one, i don't want to inflect the pain people have on me...The only persons i am really worried bout taking care of at this point is ME, and my lil girl, and my bestfriend....I know at this point the love i had for him has faded...i know that maybe it wasnt even "in love" more like "in lust" He was something i always wanted, but i had to wait so long to get...I think i wanted it cause i couldn't have it...isn't that how life always is...I think i should speak up cause i feel like this is going to get out of control real quick...But then again if i speak up i will hurt someone who loves me so much....He feels more for me then i do him...Do u know how shitty i feel for that...I pretend...cause i don't want to break his heart...But if i don't do what i feel i should , and say the things i feel i should say....He may end up hating me more...I don't want him to hate me cause he is a great guy, i am just not happy....I don't feel like i did...and i don't want t hurt him...What cha know bout that!
