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evilprincess's blog: "babble"

created on 01/11/2007  |  http://fubar.com/babble/b43253

goodbye.

i .. there are no words. months ago, jenn and i stole the cheat from jarrod. it was the last time we've seen him. we've known he's been moving to florida for a while, but knowin' j - we didn't really think he was going. tonight he called to get the cheat. he's leaving "the end of next week". but. that's not. what. i've. been told... by... everyone else. jarrod. oh jarrod. :: shakes head :: ...... what have you gotten yourself into now. letting go of friends is harder than breaking up with someone. i know once the end of next week comes i will never hear from this kid again. and if i do i'll be surprised. either situation that's going to occur - he's out of my reach. not that we're that good of friends anymore. but. it's still a disturbing thought. wow. so much has. changed. i remember ... my friendship with him forming. and .. that time of my life. i felt. would never end. ... and what i got out of it is two fold what i wanted. :: smiles and looks around :: he is indirectly responsible for my life being where it is. so he will always be a good friend, no matter what time or distance can do. i wish him. .. well. in. whatever his life brings him through. i only hope he's strong enough to handle it and knows when to ask for help. i could keep going and going and going and going and going and going on this topic. so, i will stop now. and smile. and be thankful for my life.

mind over fucking matter

i quit smoking dec 05 for my mother for christmas; i picked it up four and a half months later in new orleans. i told myself i was quitting when we moved into the apartment - that didn't happen. i then told myself i was quitting for new years. jenn's (my roommate) had several monetary influenced attempts to quit, but never made it. i told her several times to throw in the towel and mentally prepare herself to quit with me for new years. she did. we almost got into a fight a while back 'cause i told her she should try and cut back. but she did. that was a step. and every time we've ever talked about quitting she gives me the "but i don't want to". of course you fucking don't. you're addicted to it jenn. as am i. you still WANT the cigarette, but until you go to quit, you don't realize that you need the fucking thing. the feeling like you're going to snap the next neck you see just 'cause you can't stop tapping your foot to control your temper. that's withdrawl. yep, you're hooked, too. last night we sat and bs'd and as i could see her getting ready to give me the "i don't want to's" again i said jenn, i don't want to be a slave to anything. it was right when she lit one. the look she gave that cigarette. i thought she was going to put it out. and it's that one line that's going to get me through this day without one.
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