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What are you waiting for?

Here I sit, surrounded by my own boredom, not much of a companion but it will have to do. As I aproach the 2yr mark of being single again, followed shortly after by my 35th b-day, I wonder will it always come back to this? Countless relationships, tried and failed, heartbreaks, broken hearts, blah blah blah. Will I find or be found by the 1 who not only captures my every thought and unlocks my heart but can put up with me despite me? Will I care less and less about if I will as time goes by? How is it that this type of loneliness doesnt care how many of your friends are by your side? How is it that so many people can feel this way? Maybe if we spend less time worried about people understanding how we feel and more time caring about the feelings of others, er something, I dunno. Honesty, shit, you cant be truely honest with people till you are honest with yourself and as I have found over the years, the truth hurts sometimes. Regardless of how much it hurts, it is essential. My last relationship, for example, great woman, cared deeply for her. We had some issues but if the proper emotion had been there, we could have gotten past those. Thats the thing, as much as I cared, I wasnt in love with her and after 3 yrs, I made the call, knowing I wanted to be "in love" with the person I was with and I wanted her to have a man who was "in love" with her. Well, mature relationship choices can be a bitch. Anywho, I feel I have ranted enough.
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17 years ago
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