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IT'S ME AGAIN. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THE LATEST NEWS. I KNOW IM ONLY HERE FROM TIME TO TIME NOW, AND I DO TRY TO GET BACK TO EVERYONE. BUT IN ALL HONESTY, IM JUST WORE OUT. I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH FIGHT I HAVE LEFT IN ME.
AFTER MEETING WITH THE SURGEON 2 WEEKS AGO, HE WANTED TO DO THE SURGERY THAT WEEK. THAT WAS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME. CIERRA TURNS 5 TOMORROW, AND HER BIRTHDAY PARTY IS ON SUNDAY. SHE STARTS SCHOOL ON THE 7TH AND I NEED TO GET HER INTO SOME KIND OF ROUTINE SO MY MOM OR WHO EVER CAN GET HER IN SCHOOL AND WHAT NOT WHILE IM IN THE HOSPITAL. MY PARENTS ARE GONE AND IM TAKING CARE OF 50 DOGS AT MY MOMS KENNEL AND EVERYTHING JUST SEEMS TO KEEP BUILDING. SO I PUT IT OFF TILL THE 2OTH OF AUGUST.
I HAVE TO ADMIT IM TERRIFIED AND IF I HAD A CHOICE I WOULD LEAVE THE LUMP IN MY THROAT AND GO ON ABOUT MY LIFE. BUT NOW THAT ITS SHUTTIN DOWN OTHER THINGS IN MY BODY AND IS BLOCKING MY AIRWAY I DONT HAVE THAT OPTION ANYMORE. HE IS SAYING I WILL BE IN THE HOSPITAL A FEW DAYS BECAUSE OF THE BREATHING TUBE THEY HAVE TO PUT IN BECAUSE OF THE SWELLING AROUND THE AIRWAY AND HOW DELICATE THIS SURGERY IS. THE THOUGHT OF A TUBE DOWN MY THROAT IS MORE THAN I CAN EVEN THINK ABOUT WITHOUT PANICING.
IM SITTING HERE ALONE ON THE COUCH BALLING MY EYES OUT AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY. AFTER THE LAST TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL I WOUND UP WITH PNEUMONIA. I HAVE BEEN BATTLING THAT AND ON A BREATHING MACHINE. MY HORMONES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THEY SAY THATS FROM THE GLANDS OVER PRODUCING AND UNDER PRODUCING AND BLAH BLAH... I SIT AND CRY MOST OF THE DAY AND THEN PUT ON A SMILE TO BE MOM WHEN CIERRA IS HERE, AND BLESS HER LIL HEART SHE KNOWS MOM ISNT WELL AND SHE COMES AND PATS ME ON THE BACK AND SAYS BREATHE MOMMY WHEN I START COUGHING. I CANT IMAGINE LEAVING HER AND GOING INTO THE HOSPITAL AND KNOWING THE WORST COULD HAPPEN, AND WHAT IF I DONT COME HOME... SHE IS MY WORLD.
ANYWAY IM RAMBLING ON. IM GOING TO BE HERE FROM TIME TO TIME WHEN I HAVE GOOD DAYS. IF I MISS SOMEONE OR DONT GET BACK QUICK AND YOU SEE SOME CRAZY BITCH STATUS MESSAGE, JUST OVERLOOK ME I NEED TO TAKE MORE XANAX!! LOL PLEASE JUST BEAR WITH ME... I HAVE FLOWN OFF THE HANDLE WITH PEOPLE I LOVE AND HAVE SAID THINGS TO FRIENDS I WOULD NEVER SAY... IM JUST NOT ME RIGHT NOW. I HOPE THAT AFTER ALL OF THIS IS OVER, MISTY, THE REAL ME WILL COME BACK. I KINDA LIKE HER. SHE AINT ALL THAT BAD. I LOVE YOU GUYS. WHEN I GO IN I WILL TRY TO GET WORD TO YALL FROM SOMEONE AS TO HOW IM DOING.
XOXOX
TATERBABY
