midnighttrouble's blog: "ATTN: HEAVEN"

Well its almost time for me to go back to work. Not really sure if i am ready to do that.  I know so much has changed for me and for me to accept this change is just not acceptable for me at this time
Today i have had the chance to think back on my life as a child and having my parents around and how lucky my family has been to have both parents around us. I sat here today and wished that i could go back and make changes, and then maybe things would be so much more easier to accept.
I wish that i could go back and spend more time with my father and tell him more often how much i love him, than waiting so long as i did. But i know that he knew i loved him
For any of the hurt that i caused my father i am so sorry and i wish i could take those times back. I remember so much of the good times that we shared and now i dont want to lose those at all. I wish i had shared more things with my father special times with my father and i never got the chance.  But what i do know is how much my father and mother both love me, for all the things they have done for me, My parents gave up alot for all of us kids alot more than we ever could think they did
They always made sure that their children came first, no matter what they had to give up in order for us to be safe, and have what we did have.
We may not have had the best of things but what they gave us was from their heartI can remember listening to them on a christmas eve dad and my uncles putting up a swingset and hammering away on it on christmas eve night just so that we  had a good time growing up. And listening to them tell storys about us and takeing home movies of us growing up
But what i saw was alot of love that my mother had for my father so much love and they way they both felt for eachother was so special. I only hope that oneday I will be as lucky as my mother to find someone as special as my father.
There was nothing that neither one of my parents would not do for us and I owe them more love than i can give them
Dad, I love you so much, and I am so sorry for any thing that i have ever done to hurt your feelings. I never wanted to hurt you in anyway. I am trying so hard to be strong now, for me and mom, and my brothers, because i owe them so much.never really did say how much i enjoyed our trips to Duke, when you took me back and fourth, and us telling mom we got lost, when we did not really, we just had supper together and we would sit and talk. And you would tell me how much you loved Mom. That you did not know what you would do with out her. I know How much you loved her, and I know you wanted the same for me, but it just did not happen, and i had wished so many times that you would see me happy just for once, but it never came. But You know I do not regreat spending my time with you because you showed me and told me how blessed you were to have mom there with you, and that you had the best kids, and grandchildren in the world
Dad you tought us so much how to respect people, and i dont think i have ever seen you hate anyone
Daddy I Love you and I miss you so much and I will always need you i am not ready to let you go and i will not let you go you are always here with me I know....I Love You Daddy