64 WAYS TO PISS OFF A COP
1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......
5. Ask if you can see his gun.
6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
7. Touch him. (THIS IS A SURE FIRE WAY TO GET YOUR ASS A BEAT DOWN..The Shield way, BUT GO AHEAD AND TRY IT)
8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
10. Refer to him by his first name. or call him farva... i get away with this one all the time
11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
12. When he says no, cry.
13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way. (try this one, but get ready to press hard five copies)
15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood, and start banging your head on your hood. (this only works in garland)
16. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way, but for the right price....
17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"
18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers, or just suck the ink off your fingers in a sexy way...
19. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
22. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "bad boys,bad boys, what you gonna do when we come for you"
23. Trip and fall into him.
24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
25. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.
26. Chew on the pen, nervously.
27. Clean your ear with the pen.
28. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.....(try it... and you can't count on your trip to jail having alot of brake checks!!!)
30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
31. Act like you are retarded.
32. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
33. Mumble to yourself.
34. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?
35. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here tonight....... carnegie cops
36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
38. Ask if he watches COPS. Then tell him/her you were on episode 155. you know the drunk with no shirt... tell them that was you...
39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock. They may say "Nope, but I watch THE SHIELD!"
40. If he says he watched the shield be scared, be very scared...
41. Talk to your hand.
42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.
43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
44. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.
45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
46. Try to sell him your car.
47. Ask if you can buy his car.
48. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.
49. Play with the siren.
50. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner. (again another way to get a beat down, The Shield way)
51. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner
52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.
53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
56. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing. (this will get you tazed so go ahead and try it!)
57. Turn your head and whistle.
58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that. (he will beat your ass with it, The Shield way)
59. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date.
60. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
61. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
62. Tell him you like men in uniform.
63. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party (this only works if your a dallas cowboy and live in irving..)
64. WHEN THE OFFICER APPROCHES YOUR CAR.. ASK HIM WHERE THE OTHER VILLAGE PEOPLE ARE
