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Last night, I went out with Kari. I havent really hung out with her in a while and I wanted someone to talk to about things. We went to Sharies, which is like a 24 hour family resturant. I told her more about stuff that's been happening in my life. We talked about a few other things. She paid for dinner and we went to Starbucks and talked some more. I paid for the drinks. Then we went to the grocery store because she needed to get food for her place. I was pretty out of it, you know the whole tired I feel high kind of feeling. I was taking some kid toys and playing with them...got home around 9am.
I didn't do much today, I actually woke up before my alarm. Was a bum arond the house for a bit then I started to clean up the bed room some more. I went through a lot of boxes of stuff...love letters, cards...junk....all gone into the trash, stuff in other boxes seperated between me and Rich's things and stuff to goodwill.
My plan is to slowly get rid of things so it will be easier for me to move out when the time comes. Rich hadn't been home most of the day, he was out with one of his nerds friends. He finally came home a little after 10 pm and started to cook dinner. Been a while since he actually cooked something.
He wasn't talking much so I started to talk to him...then it became a argument and I got frustrated. I grabbed my keys, and started to storm out the door, yelling at him. Telling him that he's so different, he's always in his own world, yelled that I wanted a dirvorce, that i wanted to move out, I can't stand being under the same roof with him because it hurt too much, it was too uncomfortable.
I ended up throwing my keys and stuff around the room, I started to hit my head because i was frustrated..I dunno why I hit myself when I get like that...he came up to me, put his arms around me and told me to calm down, I told him to get his hands off me and to not ever touch me.
I went to the other side of the room and we argued for a bit then I broke down crying on the couch. I calmed down a bit and we talked for a while. I told him that I wanted to move out. My plan was to save up money, work as much as I can next month to gather up money and move out. I told him it was a heads up for him to know that. He said he understood. I told him that I was sorry that I didn't have feelings for him anymore and just all this crap. He said he was sorry for ignoring me and all this other stuff.
He even asked me if I wanted his car....yeah fucking right...Like i'm gonna take over your car payments..he still owes 10k... I told him to find another co signer, who is my dad, and he said he's going to try to.
We talked about some other things...this and that..... now he's finishing up cooking dinner and here I am. So yes... sometime in the near future, I will be moving out...he knows about the plan...not that I was gonna keep it hidden or anything, I wouldn't screw him over...I just wanted him to know that I can't stand living with him anymore and I'm gonna go my own way as soon as I can get there.
Some things just had to be said again....maybe sometime soon,we'll actually get divorced. Sad that it came out to be this way... but life goes on....I guess
