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Grey's blog: "Humor"

created on 10/03/2006  |  http://fubar.com/humor/b9983
Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories... REMOVING CLOTHES With partner's consent... 12 calories Without partner's consent... 187 calories UNHOOKING BRA Using two calm hands... 7 calories Using one trembling hand... 36 calories GETTING INTO BED Lifting partner... 1.5 calories Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories Using skateboard... 3 calories ACHIEVING ERECTIONS For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories Losing erection... 14 calories Searching for it... 115 calories PUTTING ON CONDOM With erection... 1.5 calories Without erection... 300 calories INSERTING DIAPHRAGM If the woman who does it is: Experienced... 6 calories Inexperienced... 73 calories If a man does it... 650 calories Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room. POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS Bouncing... 7 calories Sliding around... 9 calories Serious skidding... 12 calories Whiplash... 27 calories ORGASM Real... 27 calories Faked... 160 calories ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE Shoes flew off... 35 calories Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories Orchestra swelled... 6 calories Birds sang: Large birds... 7 calories Small birds... 3 calories Earth moved... 30 calories PULLING OUT After orgasm... 0.5 calories A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories PENIS ENVY For woman... 3 calories For men... 72 calories GUILT Banging boss for a promotion... 30 calories Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories Bonking w/parents in next room... 7 calories Putting on expense account... 9 calories AGGRAVATION Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories Part. lets dog cuddle w/foreplay..14 calories Partner used bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories GETTING CAUGHT By partner's spouse... 60 calories By your spouse... 100 calories Trying to explain... 55 calories Trying to remain calm... 100 calories Leaping out of bed... 75 calories Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories
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