You have just met someone online. He/She says all the right things, and this might actually be a dream come true. Your internet date is the soul mate you’ve searched your entire life for. Or are they? Here are a few indications about your online date to help you sift potential life partners from the charlatans.
Imposes time constraints:
Is your intended only available to chat at certain times? Is the phone off limits, for any reason? Are arrangements to meet in ‘real life’ constantly cancelled or avoided altogether? If you find yourself being pigeon-holed into a time slot and going off-line is a no-no, Mr. Wonderful most likely has a Mrs. Wonderful in his life and you are just a temporary diversion.
Mentions money problems:
This is a classic; the perpetrator plays his/her victim until their prey is hooked and then starts discussing financial issues. “I’d love to meet you, but can’t afford to fly” or “My car is in the shop for repairs”. They’re banking on you being so smitten with them that you’ll happily lighten the load in your wallet to be able to see them. Of course, you won’t, nor will you see your money again either. Money should never figure into any of your conversations. Don’t make the mistake of volunteering that information to anyone on-line. It is a topic that should be reserved only for someone that you’ve become intimately familiar with.
Always seems to be online:
Quite the opposite of imposing time constraints, these people are always available to chat online. No matter what time of day you log on, they’re there. Why? Are they unemployed? Are they anti-social psychopaths? While some of us spend a great deal of time online for many different reasons, the majority of people have a life outside the computer. Another thing to ask yourself too is this: If they’re always online, who else are they talking to while you’re at work, social engagements, etc.? It’s highly unlikely that you are their ‘one and only’, and far more probable that you’re just another addition to a string of silicon relationships.
Appears evasive; avoids certain topics:
Anytime you ask about work, family, or personal history, the question is ignored and the subject is quickly changed. What are they hiding? Typical answers such as “There’s not much to tell” or “Let’s just focus on us” are shields and should be red flags to you. We all have a story to tell; if they are vague and elusive about who they are and where they’ve been, there’s usually a reason why. Find someone else who can be more open and honest about themselves.
Boasts about improbable feats:
He’s an Indy driver, she’s an actress. Maybe, maybe not. If you’re not sure that they’re capable of doing what they say they do, ask for some proof (discreetly). “You’re a pilot? I’d love to see a picture of you and your airplane.” If there’s nothing to corroborate their claims (pictures, credits, bylines, etc.) it may be an elaborate story to impress you…in short, a creative pick up line to string you along for their entertainment and amusement.
Past relationship information is sketchy or one-sided:
How they talk about their past loves is a good indication of why they’re dating and what they hope to get out of it. Do they take any credit at all for relationship failure, or is it always the other person’s fault? (A little hint here…none of us are perfect.) Look for pearls of wisdom in your conversations. If they seem particularly vicious or obsessive about their previous partner, or alternatively, completely cold and uncaring, this isn’t someone you want to get tangled up with…no matter what they’re saying to you. You could be next.
Online dating is a wonderful tool to help meet that special someone that might otherwise have been missed. An old saying to keep in mind though is that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Keep your head out of the clouds and on your shoulders where it belongs. Don’t let the promise of love take you for a ride by allowing yourself to be deceived or fooled by smooth talkers who are masters at manipulation. Your only obligation in any dating situation is your own mental, physical and emotional well-being. If anyone tells you different, they’re wrong.
