NTZ's blog: "A Return Of Thought"

Alone isnt physically being by yourself.  Alone is emotionally feeling there isnt anyone else left that gives a damn if you exist or not. Feeling that no one in the world has any feeling towards you at all.  No love.  No hate.  No pity.  No nothing.  Alone is wondering if anyone is thinking about you.  Alone is not knowing if you have friends or not.  What are friends?  Are you one?  I guess if I was one then I would have some.  Maybe I do but just unsure.  Who is really who?  How can I tell?  Alone is thinking you are people's last resort.  The spot before nothing, plan Z.  If all else fails there is Greg, thought about after one has reached desperation. I represent a perception, which cant be trusted and trust is needed for one to willingly be apart of another's life.  So where does that leave me?  Leaves me here.  Empty.  By myself and still alone.  No one calling.  No one texting.  No one speaking.  No one thinking.  All with no need of me.  Alone. Guess I get what I asked for, and then they want to be mad at me because I speak of suicide.  So i'm the selfish one now?  What about all of you? Which is why I feel its a human right to be able to take your own life and let that act be appreciated for the truth it represents.  The reality that nothing is meant for all, including life. Including friends.  Including lovers.  Including anything.  For once I made a choice.  I chose one of many.  Many disappeared.  Many show their faces from time to time and now one continues to hide from me.  Not for anything I truly have done but for what is feared. So at this moment, i'm left with nothing feeling like a truth of this being all fake is coming sooner than later.  I've erased doubt only to watch it find itself back in my mind.  I tried to believe in what my heart says but there is this pit that builds into an abyss and that abyss fills with nothing more than piss.  I'm being pissed on.  I'm not one to get pissed off.  I'm one to just fall in a coma emotionally.  Physically you can touch me but I wont respond.  The heart is beating but i've been long gone. Just waiting for something.  Another shot or the end.  Something, but in this state its just me.  By myself, its just me.  Alone.

Anyone
Left
Only
Nothing
Exist