you know im at the point now where i have stopped counting the days i guess that means im growing into my new old person. but the thing of it is i dont like the old person, at least not all of her. i love the fact that i have been a great mom from the moment i conceived. i stopped drinking, watched what i ate actually lost weight was great news to my doctor since i was fat enough as it was. anyway i was on time to the upteen tests i had to have. i was in my ob/gyns office 3 times a week. i loved every minute of being pregnant both times, even though my youngest gave me a horrible case of morning/afternoon/and night sickness. i also loved the fact that i would do anything for anyone and never expect anything back. thats how i was raised. raised to do things for myself and help people in need until they make it a habit. i am a caring person and always have been. but take advantage of me and i am the biggest raging bitch that you have ever seen. i once waited in the parking lot to jump a woman who jumped in line before me and then made crude comments about the kids i was with because they were mixed. it took my niece and others to calm me and my sister down to a slow simmer so instead of throwing down we just yelled alot. i didnt like the fact that alot of times i wouldnt stand up for myself. i would fight to the bitter end if someone was messing around with a friend or family member but you pick on me i took it, just for the simple fact i thought i deserved it. it was my reason i was fat and as much as i tried to do something about it it never worked. i found myself believeing that i was destined to always be the "fat cow", "lard legs", "horse", "elephant", "hippo" and my favorite "the mobile earthquake". for 38 years ive had the comments and the gigles, the rolling of the eyes and the words spoken everytime "how can she even walk around in public like that". i used to cry or just get in my car and yell at myself instead of the small minded people who made the small minded comments. well now i am stating the fact, make fun of me you are gonna be made fun right back at and i dig a little deeper. i am an intelligent woman whose has lived probably more than half my life and with ever cruel comment it has just made me stronger as a person. if you gotta fat comment ill tell you my comment back right know "fuck off". i am curvy, i acn dance, i can shake my fat ass, and think i look good doing it. i have come to terms with my body and i have to say thanks to all you great people out there who have hit my site and left some pretty great compliments. yes i am woman woman that posess all of earth within her. i am the earth, the rain, the flowers, and the snow that falls. i am as beautiful as the ice that covers the trees and the sunlight shining through them. i am as beautiful as rain on a warm spring day. i am the creek that you cool your feet off in on a warm summer day. i am as beautiful as the warm sun hitting your face while the snow melts. i am so many people and so many things different to each person who is in contact in my life. if you dont like me that is no skin off my nose, if you can judge people because of whats on the outside its your dumb ass luck losing out being with a person who will always be there for you and will do whatever i can to please you. so to those of you that scan my profile and see the first pic which i have to say is a damn good pic some of the others not so great, theres that negative self worth peeking its ugly head out of my heart, but i guess my whole point being would be something like this, if you wanna make fun of me because of my looks go ahead i can take it, but you are the one who has to watch out for kharma to come back and bite you in the ass. physical apperances can be changed even though i like who i am now i like my feelings and ideas on sex and eventually finding love, a love that deserves me and when it comes that person will be treated like the best man on earth. get my trust and youve got my loyalty, do usomething for me not to trust you and trust may never be returned again, so if you wanna talk think about your words and actions and get ready for a friendship that could test time. i am ready for a man who wants to start as friends with benefits, if the conversation goes great maybe something more could always grow, but dont do the one time stand thing, when i mean friends with benefits i do mean FRIENDS with benefits dont get what you want out of me and then never talk to me again. if FWB sounds good to you let me know i am very selective, i am not a whore and no i dont wanna hear "i have a friend" hit me up, talk to me for awhile and lets so where it goes.
