Okay for some of u, u know that I have had some problems in the past which have led me down the wrong roads. I have made decisions that were not well kept and it seemed like I did a lot wrong.
Well, I guess i am making up for that now being that I do not have a job right now and I am struggling to make ends meet. But that does not mean that I am giving up on myself and what I hope to do in the next few years to come.
For starters, my ex husband and I agreed that he needed to spend some extra time with the kids and I needed to make a new change in my life.. a new job that is stable and an apartment that I can keep. So as of now my ex has the kids and once he got them he automatically thinks that they are unhealthy and that i was an unfit mother to be taking care of these kids. Well, actually, this is not my ex that I am talking about...it is his fiance that seems to be all of the talkn because she thinks that she is the most perfect mother of all and that I am not taking care of the kids properly.
So I am sitting here thinking...wait a sec, I have done nothing wrong to these kids of mine. I have fed them, I have clothed them, I have given them a roof to sleep under, and yes, I do give them a bath. But I know I am not perfect...I miss a few things here and there. So, they think that just because jake and sam look unhealthy and do not have new clothes and new shoes, and new hair cuts all of the time that they automatically want to get me with being an unfit mother. Hmmmm, let me think about this one....new clothes, new shoes, new hair cuts...hmmmm, new stuff, huh? At least they have clothes, and shoes, and hair cuts...I do at least take care of that and I also give them the food that they need...It is funny that they would automatically assume that I am an unfit mother especially at tax time. My ex has one child with this mother of two who isnt even divorced yet...needless to say. So they are wondering if they could file for one of the kids..Jake or sam, at tax time. Just because they feel that they provided more of the support to the kids than I during the year, when of course I am the custodial parent.
Okay, this much is true....I worked for a company where I had made like a possible $600/month...but I was going to school at the same time and recieving the child support...I am also a vet too so I got the GI bill on top of my pay and child support. I was making good money but I am not the smartest at saving the money and that is my downfall..I know what I need to change. Unfortunately, that was what got me evicted from my apartment because I do not know how to save my money and pay the bills when needed. But in the while, I had fed the kids, bathed them, clothed them, gave them a bed to sleep in and made sure that they were happy as long as they were with me. All of my friends and family can tell that my kids were always happy. They were not malnurished and they were very well taken care of under my care. Okay so I am speaking the same things twice again..but this has got to stop.
I have had nightmares that something like this would happen. That my ex and his fiance would find something wrong with the kids once they were in their care and that they would find some way to take the kids from me....although I truly believe that my ex has nothing to do with this..it is all on his fiance. I am not going to state what others are saying though about her or even what is on my mind about her but in truth, she opens her mouth when it should not...and believe me no one likes those kinds of people...I use to be one of them. But u do not see me whining about this at tax time. I am just sitting and waiting for my W2's to come in and then I will file for these taxes the way that they should be filed....the way that my ex and I made an agreement on. And if my ex decides to file for taxes with both of our kids on that sheet, it will come back on him since he is not proclaimed the custodial parent in the divorce decree. The IRS will jack his ass for filling incorrectly.
SO, what to do next?! Should I file for full custody of the children on my side of the story? No, I should not and I will never even think of doing this to my ex who happens to be a rather fine father. I am not a bad mother and I will never be a bad mother. I am just slow at learning what it is like to be one. But I can tell ya I have learned a great deal about myself these past few months and that I am going to do what is right for myself as well for my kids.
After I had that conversation with my ex's fiance, though about how she wants to take me to court and get custody, I got motivated and went to an employment agency to help me find a job. Because if I had no job the time they decide to take me to court, I know they will probly win. I told the agency that I had a very open schedule and that I can work any days and shifts. So now tomarrow they will call me back to let me know if they have work for me....I do belong to them now though and so I am most definately certain that I will be working tomarrow. At this moment, I dont care where I work just as long as I get some of my bills paid and such. And so that i do not lose my children.
Some people try to change what they can about themselves though...but how can u do it when some people do not believe in what u can do if they have not seen it, yet? Well, it is time now for me to change all of that around. Although, in all reality I do not have to prove anything to anybody. I just have to do it and expect that things will be good out of it. I am not dumb and I know what is right for myself as well as my children. Its just that some people think that when they have the opportunity right in their hands to get what they want they try and take it from u. I use to be that way but I never thought that it would end up like this. I have hated and I have befriended this fiance of my ex's. Yet, I thought she would show me more justice as a parent and a mother than to put me down like I am the unfit parent. I trusted her and then I did not trust her. But now I am not so sure of what to think.
So if u read this now and think that I am not fit to be a mother, then that is okay. I forgive you. You are not my problem. I deal with problems everyday. And now I have to be the one that has to be judged just because someone automatically assumes that my kids were not properly taken care of.
Okay, so I am single and i am a mother. Apparently, I dont know what it is like to have someone to be there to help me take care of my children who is not my parents that is. Oh, yes, I live with my parents unfortunately because of this situation but at least I do not live on the streets. I know what it feels like to be lonely and to not have anyone....but it seems that lately I do not know what it is like for my kids to grow up without another father in their lives when their real father is like 1200 miles away. I know that this loneliness should not be but I also know that what I need to concentrate on now is my life and taking care of it the best way that it should be. Some people stuggle and struggle because they work too hard to make things right. That is me very so much because I feel like I am being rushed and I need to slow down before i over work myself. But I have overworked myself. I have done all of that. And I am tired and drained to the core because I am trying the best I can and no one seems to care to even think that I am trying the best I can. I have made assumptions in the past about other people and was very wrong to do this....i have made up for it though by keeping the peace in the family.
However, that peace seems to be shattered because there is another lack of communication in the household. One person can ruin it all for a situation like this and that person is not going to be me...
