Okay well I've been posting alot more then usual but writting helps me get the stress out of my body as i have no other way that i can without getting myself in a serious amount of trouble and i dont really want to do that.
I've been sitting here thinking about this dream i had about my friend. About how him and i talked and i cant help but pray that i really did talk to him.
It was kinda weird but it was good at the same time, We stood there on a golf course and talked and he asked me why i was being like i was, why was i letting everything get me down why was i letting insignifisent people bring me down when i was better then that.
All i could say to him is that i couldnt believe he was gone after all we had gone threw as we had gone threw a previous tour together and survived it.
he told me hey it happens we knew the risks getting involved with the service in the first place. And i just looked at him and i couldnt get the words out of my mouth i just felt like i wanted to grab him and make sure he was real but yet i couldnt move.
I said he was one of my best friends and we had gone threw hell before why did he have to go and get himself killed. He just looked at me and laughed and said hey thats the way it goes man thats the way it goes. But you need to stop being like you are you have friends and family that need you , and you have a life to get back to and you arent going to get back to it if you keep acting like such a scared little pup.
I said well what do you want me to do what can i do ? I've never had to go threw it like this before and he just looked at me and laughed and he said what about the others who didnt make it back with us that last time. I said that was different at least we died together. And he told me it was no different the others still died we all didnt make it back the way we wanted.
I said yes but i kept my promise everyone still went home no one was left behind. He said yeah and i have not been left behind either i'm on my way home now.
then for one of the first times ever he looked at me and he had such a serious look on his face and said to me, Listen Dom i need a favour from you now, I said what i'll do anything and everything. He just looked at me and he said make sure my family knows i love them and make sure they know they will be okay, be there for my kids your practically family to them.
To make sure they are set before i go back to my own duties. I said yes of course you know i would make sure that Diana and the kids were alright and as pre-paired as possible. And then he asked me one more thing.
I said what more can i do? He said just get the hell up and live dont get down dont get sad dont let everything slip by, Have kids get married grow to be an old man. I just looked at him and said... I'll try and he said no there is no trying you need to promise me, i said okay i promise.
He smiled and for a moment its like everything was normal and he wasnt gone and i said well what now and he just looked at me and looked at his watch and was his typical self.
He said Damn look at the time i gotta go i have tee off in 5 minutes and i just said hey no wait stay i have things to ask and he said hey sorry man when you gotta go you gotta go , stay out of trouble and i'll see you again one day dont worry about me you know how i am i am a trooper after all and so are you.
I'll be watchin Dom he said i'll be watchin.
and I woke up .. I hope to god that i really talked to him, part of me wants to think that i really did and part of me says it was my imagination giving me what i wanted. Who knows? maybe?
I dont know but i know i have to keep my promise either way.
*sighs* So much for going home to Virgina huh? well i guess thats it for now, till another night boys and girls.
