~Anger and Forgiveness~ Blog by guido
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*It's Good to get Angry when You're trying to Forgive* Not only is it OK to get Angry as you work through the Process of Forgiving, It's a necessary part of the Forgiving Process. The Deep Hurts and Injuries that seem Impossible to Forgive are neither quick nor easy to get over. We have a lot of Emotion to process. We must Grieve over what has been lost. For example, if You are dealing with forgiving a parent for abandoning you as a child, You are going to need to grieve over what you lost by that parent's absence in your life. Each item on your "Unforgivable" list represents something that has been lost. The molested child has lost his/hers innocence, wholeness, and sense of safety and physical boundaries. An abortion is the loss of life. Divorce results in the loss of an Intact Family and a relationship that was supposed to last a lifetime. And when someone we love Betrays us, We lose Trust, as well as the way we viewed that person before the Betrayal. In fact....EVERYTHING that calls for Forgiveness on our part, whether we are Forgiving ourselves or Forgiving others, involves a LOSS of some kind, and we need to Grieve over that loss. Grieving begins with Denial...Believing this can't be true...and ends with Acceptance of the Reality that Exists. In between these two stages of Denial and Acceptance are the two basic facets of Grieving : ANGER and SADNESS, and in order to Forgive, we must Grieve. So Anger is part of the process of Forgiving. What happens when we try to Forgive without experiencing Anger?? Women in particular, often have Difficulty being Angry. They feel Sadness over their Loss, but Family and Culture have trained them not to allow feelings of Anger. Men typically have the opposite problem. They will feel Anger over their Loss but will not allow themselves to feel the Sadness. In either case the result is the same....the individuals experience and incomplete Process of Grieving. They get stuck, and Grief is unable to run it's course. Forgiveness doesn't just happen. It always begins with a choice that leads us into the Process of Forgiveness. Failing to make this choice and simply waiting for time to heal the wounds is not Forgiveness. Doing nothing merely represses Your Pain until a later time or another place. It has not gone aways, it's just gone into hiding. Although there is some Truth in the statement..."Time Heals all Wounds", the Healing referred to is not the same as Forgiveness. Over time you may become Desensitized to the Pain, or you may repress much of our Memory of the Offense. Desensitization and Repression are not Forgiveness, however, and they do not provide the Resolution and Release from the Past necessary for Deep Healing, which only comes through the Process of Forgiveness. Just some thoughts thrown up on a lonely night alone.........Peace.
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