SpriteNSassy akaSmarter Than You Think's blog: "And You Thought"

    I am sorry if I appear not to return the love at the moment and never seem to be on... I am in the process of moving into a new house and it is taken alot of my time and energy just to keep up with the move.  As the access to the internet at the new place has not beem established,  I have limited access to FUBAR.  But I promise I will return the love as soon as I am able.

Love ya all

SaSsY

I just have to share this story....This morning about 4 am...I had a bad nightmare,which woke me up screaming. As much as I tried to fall back to sleep I could not do it. I paced and thought and finally decided to have a bowl of ice cream. As I went to the freezer I realized that I wanted more than anything just to hug my two kids, whom by the way were sleeping in their beds. Now I thought hard about what I could do that would make me feel better, and still make them be okay with the fact that their "crazy Momma" had woken them up, just to get a hug and a peck on the cheek. The solution I came up with was..."Dessert for Breakfast"... after all, in our home we have a breakfast meal occasionaly and say "Breakfast for Dinner" ,right? So, with this thought in my head I proceeded to my 12 yr old son's room and MUAH...a big kiss I gave him and he opened his eyes...and said "UGH"...This isn't looking good , I thought...But just stuck to my story and said ...Hey, I am having dessert for breakfast ...and it is ice cream....come have breakfast with Momma...He stared for a second and then grinned...OKAY MOMMA, he replied...Next, was my 16 yr old daughter's room, she is a toughy to wake up and has been known to be crabby a bit...lol.I did the same thing...She looked at me with sleepy,puzzled eyes, shook her head...knowing that when I got an idea in my head it was impossible to shake it..and said SURE MOMMA...We trotted out to the kitchen all wrapped up in our blankies and got bowls of ice cream...snuggled on my love seat and ate the huge bowls. When we finished..I told them ..it is only 6 am...if you two would like to go back to bed ..go ahead...I am going to relax here..They got up and started down the hall...I then heard my son say to my daughter quielty.."Momma must have had a bad dream...and was lonely." My daughter replied..." Yup...I think so...I hope the ice cream and hugs and isses helps her to go back to sleep...we will not tell her we know ...OKAY?" My son agreed... and here I sit dumbfounded...how in the world did they even know? AREN'T KIDS THE BEST?

I don't want fake friends,fake relationships...fake anything..be real with me..as real as I am with you ...I am not afraid to cry ....I am not afraid to tell you what I think...why do that with me..Don't think it is a requirement to be my friend ...because...I would not do the same for you...Life is too short to pretend anything at all ...especially with myself...and if I do not like you ..I may not tell you out right, but if you ask me...be prepared to hear the truth as I see it ... Why waste time...we both can be doing other things much more enjoyable and not feel either pressured or have to play a part in some play . THIS IS REAL LIFE...if you can be real with me...then go fake it somewhere else ..... I will give my all to any relationship I value ...friendship or intimate working one too...whether you would or will is entirely up to you...Although , I may be hurt when I find out you genuinely do not care about me half as much as I do you... I will get over it...at least I have the knowledge that I attempted and did not hide behind a mask...BUT... how about you...one day when that mask slips off..who will you really be and who will you really have feelings ..and even more so ... who will really wand and have those same feelings for you...Walk that path....and see "THE OTHER SIDE"

It amazes me at times...when there is such blatant disregard for another person's feelings and yet they either claim to care...funny huh? Well it appears that once a person lets them selves open up and allow another in...it gives them the right to take all the secrets and inner thoughts etc. that person has and exploit it...use it to make them feel wither inferior ...or weak...any of those feelings that take you back a few steps once again and has you doubting yourself in some way or another ...Why can't a person open up and rather then exploit them...people do hurt the ones they claim to love....I would sure hate to have them hate me!

Have you ever noticed that have of the time someone can say something and further down the road, completely do the opposite and even forget what they had said...and I remember growing up ..being told to " say what I mean and mean what I say" well...I think that is hard to follow in our society today...because..people do not even know WHAT they have said ...let alone MEAN it too...I have watched and even on an occcasion or two (that's how I first saw this) have done the same..people not even remember what words they had spoken moments before. Have we somehow managed the art of a computer software program ..that has been installed and automatically goes through the motions..? In all reality would it not be better for us to actually have been programed in some way to remember and follow through with our words by our actions...Better yet...to actually grasp the meaning of what our words entail, rather than just move our lips ? I have learned a bit to forive, or should I say allow for the fact that that so many out in our world have gotten to this point where they go on the auto mode even though their processor has not been able to process and follow through with it ...It doesn't mean that they are deliberately misleading you..they lost that connection bewteen mouth and brain..to mobility... Think about this when you find yourself in a situation you had been in on other occasions and watch what you say and then do...(as with my interaction with my children) Do you do what you say ..rather than mean what you say ..you can mean it wholeheartedly..but to continue and follow through may not be present if you cannot remmeber what it was you said you were gonna do.. Granted this may have confused you and made absolutely no sense to you ..BUT for me..it somehow clarifies what i need to work on for better relationships and show the ability to follow through and KNOW...MEAN..and DO as I say. It builds character and respect froom others I have found out.

SOmetimes I think that people in relationships neeed to take a good look at the way they treat the one they supposedly "LOVE"...If they did, maybe they would see they do not treat as though they do... As I have gotten older, iI have seen so many claims of people saying they honestly love someone, yet not bat an eye to lie, sheat or disregard their felings. They may not physically abuse them and the mental abuse may not even show...but the mind games some play with their partner sure take its toll. I have know people, both men a nd women who will never trust and believe in anyone completely again , because of this. Little tiny digs, rejections, lies, inconistencies, and fault-finding takes its toll on the most secure people at times... This, I think happens because they believe the person cares...therfore they would not hurt them ..they LOVE them...That word is thrown around so much and so easily that it should have come to mean less and less...BUT yet, on a daily basis you see heart ache and heart break done because of the LOVZE someone has claimed, just to get what they want. And in all honesty...some of those people belive they they do "LOVE" that person..until an event or situation comes up and they disregard the love they claimed. The grass seeemed to be greener on the other side and but if it isn't it always pays to keep your options open...Iwonder if it is all worht it in the end ..when things go back to the way it was.

When I thought the world looked the bleakest...I got this great new chance to make a life for my children and I...without the help of outside people thinking I am just a charity case....shame on them..they should have known I can and would do something worth while one day..when the opportunity I needed or desired came into view. It is a shame that a few of the people I so dearly cherished and loved ...cannot share this with me, only I realize the departed ones have not the choice of participating in the wonderful career I will have...and my childen will benefit from...and the best is I will be helping others ...families...to make a change and get the life they so dearly deserve...without going through some of the mistakes I have made while getting where I am now...BUT i wish the ones that did have a choice would have had a litttle more faith and perserveance to hang it out..the loss is a shame ...not to me maybe BUT....

The story, it simply gets more frustrating...as you give up and say I love you...you find one day...that nothing is really as you were made to believe..you should have kept that distance...for now you are only more confused. But then...you would have never gained the knowledge that yu probably are not the one who is broken...but the one who tried to break you... even after knowing how broken you had been in the first place...And what it took to gain your trust and love...your respect too...afte they too, had been thrown into the samne tornado...and did not come out without scars that will always be a part of them... And you go on ...wondering and adding to your uncertan opinion of yourself ...him and the whole tiem period that seems to have beeen nothing but a fantasy...or depending on how you look at it..A NIGHTMARE>>.