Hello everyone;
I would like to share this piece found on myspace site put together by Elizibeth, an Irish woman who is dedicated to working with abused women. There are so many of us out there who have suffered a relationship that falls apart violently.Too many of us are unable to speak of the horror we have survived, I must give kudos to those who have found the courage to do so. Thank you Elizibeth for sharing this letter and thank you to the brave woman who wrote it. The comments at the end of the letter are from Elizibeth.
An open letter to her abuser:
****************************************************
I was too selfish, I was too giving.
I didn't try hard enough, I tried too hard.
I was too feisty, I was too soft.
I was too pretty, I was too ugly.
I was too vein, I didn't take care of myself enough.
I worried about what others thought too much, I was inconsiderate of others too much.
I was rude to people, I was too nice to people.
I was a liar, I was too honest.
I drank the wrong drinks, I ate the wrong food.
My taste in music was terrible.
I made a show of myself when I was on a night out.
I didn't enjoy meself enough when I was on a night out.
I spent too much time with my friends, I didn't spend enough time with my friends.
My family were not nice to you, My family were too nice to you. The colour of my sitting room was not to your satisfaction, you insisted I buy paint so you could change it.
The couch wasn't comfortable enough.
The firplace was an eyesore.
The TV was too small.
The colour of my kitchen was not nice.
My house was too small.
The tiles in the kitchen were not nice.
The tiles in my bathroom were not nice.
The floor in the hall was not nice.
The curtains in the living room were not nice.
The colour of my bedroom was too bright.
The curtains in my bedroom let in too much light.
The duvet on my bed was too small.
My bed was not comfortable.
I was too clever, I was too stupid.
I was too perfect, I was insane.
I was not good enough for you, I was too good for you.
I was cold, I was too affectionate.
I wasn't allowed to go away on business, I should put more effort into my job.
I was too focused on money, I was too careless with money.
I cried to get my own way.
I cheered up too fast.
When I tried to let you go...when I couldn't do anymore, when I was worn down and worn out, you would not let me go. when I asked, when I BEGGED you to let me go you wouldn't let me go...not until you had sucked the last remnants of my spirit away from me, not until you had made sure that I hadn't got a friend in the world and my family were distanced and made to believe you were the victim. They know the truth now don't they?
According to you, I was a bullying, tough, heartless control-freak and you could just never do anything right. Never once, never ONCE in all the time we were together did you ever have anything positive or complimentary to say about me, my family or my life (accept if I asked you to and then you'd tell me I wasn't giving you a chance and I was too impatient and too demanding)
You are fucking lying to yourself, I don't believe it anymore.You are a fucking abusive fucked up scumbag. You hide behind the "nice gentle guy" mask but underneath it all, there is just a huge black-hole of self-hate and denial and the all consuming fact that ultimately, you have failed at life and now merely exist until some other vibrant bubbly naive girl comes along for you to suck the life out of. Go and get some help before you do this to someone else.
****************************************************
A comment to those of you who may know someone who is in or has just got out of an abusive relationship: Often you will see at some point in their recovery, and abused person will display quite aggressive anger like the last paragraph above, even the most gentle of souls may display this anger. The anger will be directed at his/her abuser, but of course, out of fear, he/she will not want to say it directly. However, this anger, will eat away if not vented. This is when you encourage him/her to vent safely, by writing it down, doing some kick-boxing classes or just letting him/her sit in your kitchen and scream! Whatever it takes! Its a normal part of healing. BUT one word to the wise is to try to discourage him/her from getting into another relationship while he/she is going through the angry phase, it could be quite destructive. Some people while in this phase will even vent it by becoming promiscuous, some not all. He/She may even take it out on friends and family, if so, please encourage him/her to get some help. There is no shame in getting some therapy, and there are more and more affordable therapists out there.
