This piece of crap chain letter has been showing up in my inbox for years now and I’m sick of it. Here is the Alpha Male response to Mr Nice Guy:
Body: I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect;
not to sleep with you when you were drunk
Alpha Male: Come on, we both know she got drunk so she could f*ck me and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants
ALPHA MALE: I'm not a body builder but I don't live on cheezits and McD's either, ya flabby ass.
I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised
ALPHA MALE: I do that too! Then I throw her on the bed, rip off her clothes...
I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"
ALPHA MALE: My self-confidence makes me sexier than wearing leather pants and stuffing the crotch.
I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not an asshole
ALPHA MALE: You're not an asshole, you are a damn doormat...
I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things
ALPHA MALE: But I do have a huge c*ck!
I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club
ALPHA MALE: I like to show her off. I don't feel threatened by other males.
I'm sorry for being there for you
even thou you cant be there for me.
ALPHA MALE: She doesn't have to be there for me. I will take care of my own shit.
I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random guy.
ALPHA MALE: She likes to play that I'm some random guy f**king her. Mailman, cop, cable guy... Its exciting. We don't role play you though.
I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date
ALPHA MALE: I can f**k her mind by merely talking to her. By the time she’s agreed to go out with me, we've already been intimate.
I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy
ALPHA MALE: I was the other guy. I have a cool tattoo/haircut/bend in my penis. You smile to much. I made her buy me a drink.
I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4AM when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend
ALPHA MALE: Alpha males don't hit women (unless its playtime and she’s agreeable). I don't need to push her around to know I'm a man. If she and I were friends and I warned her about the guy and she went out with him anyway, call Nice Guy cuz I'm sleeping.
I'm sorry
If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around
ALPHA MALE: Use me? I'm gone forever. Plenty more where she came from…
I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
ALPHA MALE: Bout time you started standing up for yourself. Oh, wait, that will last until she calls, then you'll revert to puppy dog mode.
I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.
ALPHA MALE: You ain't the 'one' yet. I'm going to put on a class. Sign up.
I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care But most of all
I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore
ALPHA MALE: You still sound sorry...
I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am.
ALPHA MALE: She accepts you as a friend, bud. She just doesn't want to fall asleep in the middle of f**king you which is a real possibility.
I'm sorry
For actually showing emotion and being chivalrous.
ALPHA MALE: It doesn't turn the girl on because she hasn't seen anything else from you. When I open a door for her its like she's taught a gorilla to dance; she appreciates it.
I'm sorry
That I'm not just trying to get in your pants but that I want an actual relationship.
ALPHA MALE: Getting in the pants is a BIG part of the relationship. Concentrate on that, Nice guy, cuz the rest is mostly just knowing when to STFU.
Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there anymore, and they always end up with assholes who treat them bad. Well ladies next time your bitching, maybe look up to see who your bitching too, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word like usual, screamng in his head "why don't you give me a try?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
ALPHA MALE: Bad break-up=revenge nookie! I'll bring the digital cam, what's the assholes email? Look, Nice Guy, if you don’t have the balls to ask for a date, if you seek a friendship role just to be in her presence, then you should stop whining because she’s treating you exactly how you asked her to treat you.
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry" and add a little if I forgot something
ALPHA MALE: I think I covered everything. Class dismissed.
If You're one of the few girls with enough balls to repost, and you would never make your guy feel this way, repost as "To all the girls who cant accept nice guys for who they are"
ALPHA MALE: Girls, don't encourage the nice guys. If they were what you wanted in your secret heart, you would have one already. Its not like he was going to turn you down.
