I had an extraordinary posting on my facebook wall from a relative of my husband, not only did they accuse me of organising a ‘hit’ on a brother in law with his own fathers money but they reminded me that I have a bucket mouth and change in toilets in pubs to go onstage.
A few things need corrected here, firstly I have no idea about the ‘hit’ and secondly (this irks me more) I don’t change to go onstage- do people from my past believe I wear a leotard onstage? If so, then I f-cking don’t!
I can only imagine and am greedy for the knowledge of the many rumours I left behind when I walked out of that pub in 1994. What other f-cked up juicy rumours can there be that I know nothing of? Did I kill my own mother? Did I eat my old dog? Have I f-cked the pope? (The last one was a response to the graffiti that suggested most Glaswegians should f-ck the pope) any my point is- am missing on the gossip.
Then another woman chipped in that she heard someone else had lived the life I wrote about in my autobiography Handstands in the Dark and I copied it. Well, I suppose there was more than one poor wee working class girl who had an Orange walk flute playing rapey uncle, but I defy anyone to have owned a dog like Major or had a mum who was murdered in the exact same fashion or had a brother who thought he was Bryan Ferry for two whole weeks in 1976.
But I suppose there will always be people who say I lied or I copied or I try to get people killed etc.
That’s life I – stranger things happen I suppose, like that wee taxi man in Banbury who asked me if my husband ‘minded’ that I was a comedian and I told that driver my husband died in a house fire. The taxi man was so distraught then I explained it was me who started the fire, then I laughed and explained it was a joke, then he asked me if that’s the kind of comedy I do, if so it’s ‘not really funny’. That’s the strange things that happen to me.
Meanwhile back in reality- the summer has f-cked off, Glasgow is wet and windy, apparently we had great sunny days when Ashley and I were in NZ so that’s our summer over then I take it?
Back to Edinburgh tonight for a lovely wee gig at The Shack.
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