If you haven't noticed lately,I have been blunt and well...bitchy. Between work,my screwed up brother (who lives to ruin his little sister's life in any way possible because he's a fucked up crackhead),my love life which is invisible..you put all that together and wonder what normally is going to go through a 24 yr old's mind? Yes I know I have..2 crushes who I don't think I know who they are yet on here. They most likely don't live even remotely close to me though. Don't expect me to go falling head over heels for someone who lives miles away from me. The only guy that is still in my life and that yes,I still have yet to get over because I still care about him..lives in Texas. We met on yahoo 5 years ago. He's the only one that if he wanted me back and wanted me to move in with him down there,that I would go. He's all i've ever had that fitted the description of the guy i've wanted. He had everything and still does. It was my stupidity for letting him go when I got scared about how perfect and great he was to me. That's why he probably blew me off in the past,cause of how I left him. We've both been single for 2 yrs now. I'm sorry if I have pissed anyone off but guess what,i've been ticked by a few men over the last couple months. I can't find someone that lives close to me at all cause well,let's see..has a drinking problem..is obsessive...taken(yes the guy kinda forgot to mention that to me..)too old for me...likes to use women..get the picture? All of those types have managed to find me around here. It's aggravating that to find someone i'm gonna have to look who knows how far from my area. I don't see the point in really going out of my way to get noticed so...fuck it. Mike wants me to come down to check out his new house and just to visit for a little cause he knows i've been wanting to get away from here. I am thinking about it and have already thought about trying to go down in october. He's a cameraman for a local tv station down in Texas and they usually have him do footage for the football games. I would love to go watch football down there and he knows it. Anyways,my reasoning for wanting to go there is because first of all,I miss being around him(even if I know nothing good may come out of this),I miss the area itself cause I feel at home there,and finally the biggest reason of all...to get away from my sorry excuse for a brother. Plus this might be a good time for me to try to clear some things out of my mind and relax. So hopefully as of about mid-october I will be away for about 5 or maybe about 9 days. I need this and I will atleast be able to be content for a bit. There is nobody else period that has ever kept me as happy,safe,and loved as he has. I sometimes wonder if anyone is ever going to be like that with me again. K I know there may be a few that could be like that with me but...I have to feel the same way about them too. I can't force myself to be interested in someone if i'm not. I'm sorry.
