I used to be a very independent person needing only myself! What happened?
I'm not even sure who I am how am I supposed to find someone to love? I want to feel loved, wanted, needed! I feel like I'm a bother to everyone. No one calls me except my mom and she only calls to make sure I'm up for work. I talk to her about my baby shower she's planning for me only because she has to I don't have anyone else. She's told me over and over " I'm not supposed to be the one planning this" if I hear her say that one more time I'm just going to scream at her that I don't need a fucking baby shower then. She complains about how much everything costs. She doesn't even seem excited about all of this. How am I supposed to be excited when no one else is? The father wont willingly talk to me I mean he has short responses to my text messages. Its as if he doesn't even think about his son unless I call or text him. Maybe it'll change after Jaydn is born. I'm glad his life is going good but the order of his priorities is confusing me. I don't know what he wants or feels about us having a baby and not being together unless he talks to me , maybe it doesn't matter. I feel like I'm the one everyone says "oh god! What now?" when they receive a call or text from me. My brother is there for me but I don't want to put my issues on him he's dealing with a lot rite now! I think I could go to his girlfriend but she's strong and I don't want to be weak besides why would she want to deal with me she's with my brother not me. What I don't get is how can I go from high school, having friends all the time and rarely being single to not having anyone I mean I have more businesses in my phone than people. Does this make me a loser? And as for being sexual with anyone… yeah right! The last person I slept with only slept with me because I guess its cool to sleep with your friends little sister. According to him he really cared about me. He never made time for me, yeah he works 3rd shift but this wasn't just not seeing me this was no calling me no texting me nothing! He never cared about me he was just tired of being lonely. God! What does that say about me? depression is overwhelming me im so lonely with no one to talk to and no one to hang out with i sit home every nite n watch tv how exciting i feel like this will never go away! im soo excited to be having a son but i wish i would jst have him so that i can be some what attractive again maybe this is wrong but i jst dont wanna be alone n e more!!!!!!!
