I've been doing some thinking, I mean some real thinking. Not some random crap that I usually come up with. It's kind of making me depressed, but it's nothing that I'm not use to.
I was thinking about my age, my lack of a man in my life and how that's probably never going to change. It's not like I have to have one, but the idea of having someone around is pretty wonderful. To know there is someone in my life that accepts me for what I am.
I always seem to fall for the wrong guy. I even tried to change it up and well, I was cheated on and lied to. So yeah, guess it wasn't all that different. I'm thinking that I must have "fool" written all over my face. I'm really not. I think now I'm even more guarded than I was before.
Ugh, I'm getting off what I was thinking about.
I don't see how things are going to change for me. I don't ever have a chance to get out. I'm 30 with 2 young children. Men probably see me as "tainted" or something. Seriously, I don't ever get hit on. When I do, it's on here by guys that live pretty far from me. The last few times that I've even thought about that it's never worked out.
So I'm pretty sure that I'll end up alone. I'm not sure what I'll find when I'm about 45 and by that time, I'm pretty sure it would be too late.
In an unrelated note: My youngest told me something that was so sweet. He looked at me after I gave him a bath and told me to "come here". I leaned down and he kissed me on the nose and said.."Mommy, you're beautiful." I told him thank you and kissed him back. He then says..."You're beautiful every day." I almost wanted to cry. It was sweet.