I'm going to be lonely...thats right, you heard me, LONELY.... I'm going to learn my way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in my life. Welcome the human experience. Why you ask.... because, never again do i want to use another person's body or emotions or sweet talking ways as a scratching post for my own unfulfilled yearnings like i have for years and years.....
I'va always disappeared into the person I love. I am the permeable membrance. If I love you, you can everything... my time, my devotion, my ass, my family, my dog, my cat, my dogs money.... you get the picture! I will carry all your pain, I will protect you, i will give you the sun and the rain.... i will give you everything until i am sooo exhausted and depleted that the only way i can recognize myself is to run away and look for someone else to be infatuated with... This has been my cycle... my "man cycle" if you will! I always promise myself it will be different the next time .. and it never is.
This does not include sitting around feeling sorry for myself by any means.. it means that rather than depend on someone for my happiness, i'm going to put my passion into ME for a change. Take care of MYSELF for a while, Love myself and put all the energy i so desperately put into others... into ME instead!
