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Yup, here's my life...lol

Well, Life is pretty good. My mom is starting to feel better... YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! I'm engaged to the most WONDERFUL man in the world! SHAWN I LOVE YOU BABY!!!! Life is doing ok. I still get a bit depressed every now and then. Especially when I find out that some one I called friend decided to be two faced. I had given her respect and friendship. What did she give me? SHIT! She cant even respect me enough to say this stuff to my face, but she will post it on here for ALL the world to read. No, she didnt say my name, as I will not name her either. Still screwed. Oh well, I don't need some one in my life who tramps all over every one's feelings not caring about who she hurts because she "likes the highs" too much to get on meds for her bipolar! Screw you too. Any way, my man is so wonderful. I have my own issues....things that would surely drive a man away, but nope...he's right there by my side. Helping me through them and loving me more and more as the days go by. I fall even more in love with him every time I'm around him. He doesn't judge me...he just loves me. He looks at me in the morning when I think I look the worst, he looks at me and says...you are so beautiful. He fills my stomach with butterflies! Thank you baby for accepting and loving me soo much. I can't wait for the day I can officially call you Husband!!! Any way, that's my life so far. hehe Latah!
Why is it always a cruel existence? why does fate take all happiness away in an instant? What makes people think they can just throw me away what makes a person so jealous that they believe the man they love will stray? How can I be the brunt of every joke, yet take the abuse that they inflict? How can I stand to let them say cruel things to me, about me, yet stay silent to avoid conflict? Where am I to go from here, a life that stands still and has no where to turn, Where will my life lead me if I remove the knife of pain in my heart and let it scar as easily as a burn? When will it be my time to shine, my turn to never suffer or worry? When will people begin to see me and understand why I dont want to live my life in a hurry? Who has the right to step all over a person and use them as if they deserved to? Who can help me realize that I am not here to be used by people who say they love me the way they do? My life is cannon fodder for every one else to use. I am tired of being a punching bag, or there for some one to abuse. Fate's cruel hands have twisted my life to be used to the pain, the degredation caused by others. Twisted, to be manipulated and put down, for my trust in the human race to be pulverised by the people I considered my sisters and brothers. Once I had a heart as free and trusting as a child, Now the stone that encases its blackness corrupts and weighs yet can no longer be defiled To those who are my friends, I appreciate you and shall never abandon you. I shall help you and hold you when you cry. Yet never again will you see a tear from my dry eyes, nor hear a scream from my lips sealed tight. This is the hatred you have created. Be prepared, those who have screwed me over, said they loved yet only used.....be warned of the monster in me waiting to destroy. LIFE IS A BITCH, AND SO AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I'm Here For

Sacrifices are made, regrets begin to form, sadness becomes as wild as the raging storm. Raindrops fall, ticking off another minute of life gone by, Staring at him with anger I wonder why I even try. Material things are of no value when given as a gift of lust, a relationship is meant for love, respect and trust. I know you don't respect me because of the way you act or speak, terror fills me at the thought of laying awake to listen to the floor creak! When it comes to women I can't trust you out of my sight, why, when I try to tell you my thoughts do you not listen, you just fight. Am I just your personal maid and private whore, please tell me, I want to know what I'm here for. This one was written during a rather bad relationship 2 years ago.
Horror, darkness, desertion and physcosis, for what we are, there is only one diagnosis. After all she had ben through insanity fragmented her mind, we were created, each personality unique and one of a kind. Each of us have thoughts of our own, nightmares to wake us screaming, pain inside us, insanity is something we wish we were dreaming. She can't get rid of us and we dont follow her rules or any order, we are stuck forever in her shattered mind, we are the disease....Multiple Personality Disorder.

Alone in the Darkness

Dancing alone in the dark, fear no longer a worry, I walk in silence watching people live their lives in a hurry. Loneliness welcomes me into its solemn embrace, my tears used to flood but they no longer race. Moisture never comes to my eyes only sadness, all because I'm used to being alone in the darkness.
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