*** Written to my soul-mate Ron who passed away June 28, 2006**
It will be two years next month that you have been gone from this world and each day is different- some are easier than others..Is it better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all? I don't quite know how to answer that..my heart still aches because you are no longer here to be with us( me and the boys ) but you touched our lives in such a positive way ..we are all better people because of you....There will always be a special place in my heart for you...Christopher occasionally mentions "Ron is in Heaven with baby Jesus" and if anyone deserves to be so..it is you...I wonder if Christopher being autistic truly remembers...but there is a special glow in his eyes when he looks to the stars and talks about you...He is doing so much better in school now- I know you would be proud!! Robert is working through a difficult time, being a teenager ....I can barely remember those days (laughs)....wow..am I old enough to have a teenager? Robert still talks about u and all the good times we shared- I know he will always remember you...sometimes, he wants to cry but is strong for me I think...Matthew is 10 now and his behaviour is much better than it use to be..he's not as much a brat like me anymore (giggles)..he helps around the house and of course is playing baseball...him and Joey are still like twins- hanging together...Joey..well..what can I say about him? He was your little shining star, your special guy and he's a good boy..he has his moments though (laughs) as all 11 yr olds do...Christopher is pushing along now..at 7 yrs old and working on a 4-5 yr old level, I couldn't be prouder! He loves the beach, playing with sea shells and collecting leaves, pinecones like he always did..he's a good boy and mommy is proud! I know you are looking down on them and please protect them as only you can...
Four months ago I met someone very special..He reminds me of you in so many ways..I remember that talk we had in the park when you told me if anything happened to you that you would send me someone special to watch over me, protect me.....thanku...Shawn is a wonderful man and we plan on getting married and I know I have your blessing on that...I still have moments that I feel guilty for loving someone else- give me strength to deal with these feelings and understand it's ok to love again...I know there wasn't anything I could do to save you but I still struggle with the guilt..maybe I could have done more..you know how I can be...
I am taking care of myself as best as I know how to...watching my sugar although I do sneak some ice cream (blushes) but what is life without a lil sugar? My weight is ..well...I lose some, gain some..but I am taking my anti-depressants to keep me from getting too low...I'm taking things one day at a time..that's all I know how to do...as for the boys dad......well, nothing has changed...he seems to have little/ no compassion.....maybe you can send something to wake him up to reality lol...
Just realize you are thought of each day and forever loved...
