What makes it so damn hard to find a little understanding?
Think about it. All of us have been through similar situations. We've all been through love and heartbreak. Through being the one who dumps to being the one who's dumped. We all can point at one another when we hear their tale told, saying "I know exactly what you mean!"
And yet, when it comes to our own personal romantic endeavors, we can't admit that the other person has been in the same position that we have. We become completely centrally focused. Why don't they want me? Why don't they obsess over me? Why did they break up with me? Don't they know that I do the breaking up around here?
Well, damn. Think about it. Why did you not want that nice guy/girl that chased you around? Why didn't you obsess over the girl/guy who remembered to tell you every day how much you meant to them? Why did you find their behavior stifling, smothering, invasive? Why did that lead you to break up with them? Why did you find it so odd that they became nuts about it afterwards and left you scratching you head as to what their problem was?
We all spend so much time trying to figure out how to outwit, outplay, outlast our romantic interests. Why can't we just accept things for how they are? I'm not preaching here, I'm really very curious. I spend too much time trying to plot my next move: Is it bad if I want to call him over stupid shit I just thought of? (Or in the age of the internet.... to send a random e-mail?) Do I pretend that I don't give a fuck? Do I act cool, distant, aloof to keep from coming off as too interested? But.... what if that icyness makes them think that I'm not interested at all? Fucking damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Why can't we all just be straight forward and honest with each other? To show interest, but to admit at the same time that we're just as confused as they are in deciding where that interest is heading. I've gotten old enough that I think I might have figured out what it is that I think I want. But I'm also old enough to realize that that criteria very well might change based on a variety of unknown future events.
I want someone who wants me. I want someone who talks to me about what's going on in their head. Even if it seems stupid. Trust me, I know I'll be talking about stupid shit, so there's no need to worry about coming off as a doofus. I want someone who respects my opinions, even if they don't match theirs. Someone whose initial feelings about me won't change once we fuck. (aka: treat me at the very least the same way you did prior to the deed or up the ante. No backtracking.) I want someone (yes, I know I say this a lot) who gets me. Someone who knows how to counter my pissiness when I'm having a bad day by laughing off whatever nonsense I might say. Someone who doesn't walk away when I fight them off. Because sometimes, the squirmers are the ones you need to hold onto the hardest. And I know by now, that patience and persistence work on me. Does it mean that you have to endure madness at times? Sure. But it also just means that you have to be able to keep from taking things personally. I know that's a difficult thing to ask of anyone..... but the rewards are great. Some of the people that I am willing to die for are people that I haven't even seen in a few years (or ones I've yet to meet face to face). I'm that loyal of a motherfucker. Once you've stuck by me, you're stuck with me.
It was hard to write that out. Uncomfortable to see in writing that I know how much of a pain in the ass I can be. To admit that I want to be loved. It feels so weak to admit to people that you want to be loved. That you need to be loved. That somehow you'll come off as a simpleton, a wuss, a fucking emo kid. We all rag on that behaviour, but..... is the heart of it really all that bad? Is it really that awful to say that you want to be loved?
The fear of rejection is overwhelming, yes. But tell me one thing that feels better than having someone look at you, reach for your hand..... and agree
