Guess what Alcohol was the determining factor in both of these cases…Ya think?
A western Pennsylvania man has been convicted of throwing a 2-pound concrete garden gnome at his 16-year-old stepdaughter during a drunken rage.
Charles Morrison, 31, of Greensburg, has been convicted of aggravated assault and four lesser charges for the Feb. 14 incident. He is already serving a 15-month to five-year prison sentence for pleading guilty to his sixth drunken driving offense since 1997.
Morrison's stepdaughter said she was hurt when the gnome shattered a glass door and shards of glass cut her face.
The Weapon,…I am trying to write this with a straight face…
The gnome, about a foot tall, wore a hat, a blue shirt over a bulging stomach and a wide grin as it sat on a table in open court throughout the two-day trial. Morrison and the weapon were separated by about 2 feet of table, with the gnome facing the defendant. I can see this whole thing play out in my mind too!
Let me guess the prosecuting attorney leans in and asks Morrison’s Step Daughter, “Ah, Miss…do you have any reason to think why on earth this Gnome wanted to hurt you… had you any prior run ins with it” ………
On a safer note you would think canning tomatoes would be a safe and fun job…not so… Mix in a little of the devils tonic and wella bing bam boom we have the attack of the Killer Tomatoes!
Fond du Lac County sheriff's deputies came upon an unusual crime scene when they found crushed tomatoes tossed around a house and a kitchen towel soaked with blood. It involved a domestic dispute, with both husband and wife telling authorities of an argument that escalated to physical violence. The wife has been charged, and the husband may be, too, said Sgt. John Toney of the Fond du Lac sheriff's department. The wife, Katherine H. Kranz, 48, told deputies her husband became irate Saturday night because his drink was not strong enough and he started throwing tomatoes at her, according to a criminal complaint filed against her Tuesday in Fond du Lac County Circuit Court. Preliminary tests showed her blood-alcohol level was at 0.17%, more than twice the level considered evidence of intoxication. And the drinks she was fixing for her husband apparently were strong enough to give him a blood-alcohol content of 0.21%, according to the tests. The wife said her husband called her profanities and repeatedly punched her in the face, but deputies found no marks and noted her cheeks appeared to be normal in size and color. The same could not be said of her husband, who appeared injured when he rang the doorbell of a neighbor shortly after midnight Sunday. His head was bloody and he was holding a kitchen knife, claiming his wife had attacked him at their Town of Calumet home. He wasn't sure if he had been hit or stabbed with the knife but he said he begged for his life and fled as soon as he was able. He was bleeding from his head and had blood on his shirt and hands when deputies responded. He said his wife had him on the floor and was hitting him and somehow a knife became involved. He had two small cuts above his right eyebrow. Katherine Kranz acknowledged that her husband was hurt but told deputies they had been outside around a bonfire and that he had fallen out of his chair repeatedly and might have struck his head, causing the cuts to his face. So……… wow…what have we learned class? First off, when attempting to show ones anger it isn’t always in your best interest of the Garden Ornaments either by using it as a weapon…Thank god the Bird Bath was buried into cement, and further notice tells us, when asking for a drink from a woman who has had her fill of said beverages while canning tomatoes…it is wise not to argue with the strength of the drink she fixes you…hell for that matter if she fixes you BURNT TOAST Eat it! Love it…and for Pete’s sake wait until another day to complain about it…or until the tomatoes are safely in the pantry…oh and make sure she has no gnome in plain sight…
Hey wait a minute? Who is PETE? And why does he have a sake in this?
Have a fabulously beautiful weekend…it’s draft day for Fantasy Football at ALL PHASE tomorrow…and I am hosting it!
A huge hug and many pats
Mart
