Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
Mitch Hedberg
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Mega Jones
The best beer in the world, is the open bottle in your hand!
Danny Jansen
Irish Coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol.
Anonymous
There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
Terry Pratchett
Trumpets are a bit more adventurous; they're drunk! Trumpeters are generally drunk. It wets their whistle.
Paul McCartney
It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her.
W.C. Fields
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Anonymous
A drunk mans words are a sober man's thoughts.
Steve Fergosi
But the greatest love--the love above all loves, Even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.
Irish love ballad
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemingway
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Henny Youngman
I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection.
Brian, Family Guy
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.'
Henny Youngman
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George F. Burns
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
William Butler Yeats
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P.J. O'Rourke
I drink therefore I am.
W.C. Fields
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henry Youngman
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley
used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.
Laura Kightlinger
When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvellous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
Jimmy Breslin
Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.
Harold Rudolph
We drink and we die and continue to drink.
Dennis Leary
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
Stephen Wright
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
