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pdrbt's blog: "Alas Poor Yorick..."

created on 06/26/2007  |  http://fubar.com/alas-poor-yorick/b95956
As I sit listening to Keith Urban's "Somebody Like You" it reminds me of some of the bridges Ive burned with people here that really did matter to me but due to my own stupidity and inability to control this crap I have and I "allowed" myself to run them off... If any of those people that I have wronged read this somehow, please know Im truly very sorry for what I have done and my stupid actions and the trouble they caused... All I can do is ask for forgiveness at some point and hope to start over with them... Thats wishful thinking at this point....Especially with one person and they know who they are... SB

Hmm..

Well now...Pt 2

My birthday is slowly winding down and as far as b-days go it was definately one of the quieter ones... Being somewhat of a realist, I dont enjoy the prospect of growing old but its a necessary thing in the evolution of a person... Oh well...Life goes on and so do I...About all I can do at this point... PS: Being single on your b-day sucks rocks!

For those that care...

If you read my MuMM, you know I was having a moral dilemma... As of 8:30am today, I made the decision to have my Greyhound put to sleep to keep her from living a life of pain and hell... I appreciate those that left kind words....My grey was my 4 legged daughter and she will be missed... Right now Im running on ZERO sleep and major depression...I still feel sick to my tummy...

Im thinking...

about getting back into the music scene, tho Ive been out of it for some time.... I miss playing my Sax and Ive been told Im good singer...Tho that was back when I was younger going to church and singing to Iron Maiden and Judas Priest on church bus trips...lol...(Yes I was a hellion)... I should get back into music to show these NO talent hacks how its done "Old school" that are out there now... What do you think???
Today was the day I went to go see my looney toon Doctor...Or shrink as I call them... I hadnt seen him in over a year and he asked me all kinds of questions...Some goofy some not...All in all it took about 45 mins... Now mind you I had been up since 6am buzzing around, suffering from a lack of sleep and all...and I had to be at his office at 9am... So after all the question and junk, he decided to put me on some new drug for people that suffer from Type 1 BiPolar Disorder called Abilify...This is what Abilify is... ABILIFY® (aripiprazole) is a prescription medicine indicated for: * the treatment of acute manic and mixed episodes associated with Bipolar I Disorder, * maintaining efficacy in patients with bipolar disorder with a recent manic or mixed episode who had been stabilized and then maintained for at least 6 weeks. Although a cure has yet to be found, Bipolar I Disorder is a treatable condition. With a treatment plan that includes medicine, education, and psychotherapy, many people with Bipolar I Disorder can move forward. Screwy name I know but he claims it will help me and I wont have to take another med with this one if it does... So there you have it...My screwed up, insane azz life out here for all to see and comment on... Gotta love the internet...lol...
The time has come for me to explain something to alot of people and this is gonna be hard for me to do...Im putting my REAL self out here and I fully expect to be ridiculed and made fun of and/or dropped as a friend by alot of people...If thats the case, so be it... Just recently I was diagnosed as having something called Bi-Polar Disorder...Otherwise known as Manic Depression...The definition of Bi-Polar Disorder is as follows: "Bipolar disorder is a psychiatric condition defined by extreme, often inappropriate, and sometimes unpredictable moods. These moods can occur on a spectrum ranging from debilitating depression to unbridled mania. Individuals suffering a bipolar disorder generally experience fluid states of mania, hypomania or what is referred to as a mixed states in concert with clinical depression. These clinical states typically alternate with a normal range of mood, which is termed euthymia. Bipolar disorder can range in severity from a mild annoyance to a serious lifelong disability, and is often difficult to diagnose due to the complex nature of the disorder. It has been suggested that many individuals may go undiagnosed their entire lives." What this basically means is I have a mental disease...No Im not crazy or schizo....Just means I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes this crap...Thanks to the crappy genes on my dads side of the family... A friend earlier told me I was on a downward spiral and they are right...This ship is sinking fast and I dont know how to fix it...I feel the control slipping away and I cant get it back... So I sincerely apologize to those I have hurt, pissed off, angered, upset or anything else negative to them...I cant control this crap and it effects my way of thinking... As I said before I fully expect to lose friends over this but thats life...Ill cope with it somehow... Thanks for listening... Doc
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