Frayed Knot FM2 DRK's blog: "Alana"

I want to personally thank four people who wasted money on me...;)

Maso

Brian

Kevin

Tom

You all gave me the remaining blings I needed to level!!!!!

As to everyone else who has pimped me out, gotten me shitfaced, boosted my points, etc...THANK YOU too!!! Those little things help as well and I totally appreciate them just as much!

I am disgusted with this leveling requirement BS that requires others to give you something. I don't mind earning my points or achievements but I seriously hate asking. I have decided that when I come to the next level that requires more money be wasted to quit leveling.

Just need a couple requirements for the next level...not sure if it will be possible but if you can help I definitely appreciate it. I have been on this level for some time...almost a full year :P

please comment on my blast it's only active for 1 day

LINK:

http://fubar.com/blast_details.php?uid=1079916&blastid=357935&btype=1

Thank you!

I had a dream. A dream so real I could feel it.

Spending an afternoon with my family, seeing family I haven’t seen, not in a hurry, going nowhere.  We were leaving to go home, the only place I wanted to be.  As we were driving my tire was struck by a very elongated unrealistic dog. I was so frustrated thinking to myself, “great this is exactly what I need, another expense right now”.

We pulled over at the next possible place and got out of the car. We went into this place which was filthy and not exactly child friendly. We were leaving when a man bumped into me and I grabbed his arm to tell him he was rude. He actually hit my arm and kept walking. The corridor seemed like it went on forever. We kept walking with the sole purpose of escaping this place but I couldn’t let go of this man who had bumped me and hit me, how dare he be such an asshole!

He was not what I would ever call attractive or appealing. Not in a sense I seem to base my general opinions. I wasn’t feeling anything but anger when I grabbed his hand again telling him I expected an apology.  He squeezed my fingers this time but not enough to hurt me and he bumped me again. I didn’t want to lose this battle of will so I bumped him back.  We were still walking and I could hear my brothers and son making comments behind me. I was so focused on this man I simply ignored them while I sought to get the apology I was after. We exchanged very few words but still it was a battle of wills, neither of us budging in the direction the other was standing in.

The corridor still stretching on before us started sloping upward and we kept walking toward what we thought was the exit. Instead it was a place where the children could play video games and the adults were able to sit. This man and I still weren’t talking. I wanted my apology but not as much as I did before. I wanted to understand why he was a jerk. What could have made him dislike women?

Not once considering he hadn’t let go of my hand.

We decided to get some food and walked to a very strange but expansive concession stand.  On the way up the entrance we stopped at this frozen ice cream shelf that hosted little frozen cakes made in different shapes. We both had a tiny cake and it was a very relaxing moment. In silence, neither of us made any attempt to walk away from each other.  A lot of time passed as we enjoyed those cakes and we lost track of what was going on around us. My family was waiting for us to order food so we all could eat. We continued to follow the path to where we could see the rest of my family. I could tell I had annoyed them with the delay and I heard them saying things I felt were unwarranted.

“I bet you $20 bucks she fucks him tonight.” The most difficult realization for me in that statement was I had already decided I would do just that if the situation presented itself. Then I was horrified that my family thought as little of me as I do of myself.

We ordered some cheeseburgers and sat down to eat.  One very large and very diverse group of people that I love with all of my heart and this man I don’t know but can’t help feeling drawn to.

 I decided to be bold and I asked him to have dinner with me the following night. He said, “NO, I can’t have dinner tomorrow.”

This was not the answer I expected. I tend to be very impatient when I want something. I asked, “What about the next night?”

“I can’t have dinner with you then either,” was his reply.

I feel sadness creeping up and I want to push it down and run away with my pride when he smiles. What a beautiful sight that is to behold. He says, “Listen, my sister will be here tomorrow and she is staying for one week. I can’t have dinner with you until she is gone but if you can be patient, I will make it up to you when we can spend time together.”

This gruff man with tattoos and long dark curly hair who wouldn’t stop traffic for a second unless he snarled, the same man who has a beautiful smile, huge green eyes that sing to my soul,  just opened a door to me and I couldn’t really say how that made me feel except for happy. It was a feeling of relief as well that he might want to see me again.

The dream ended with my sister-in-law feeling frustrated and wishing that she chose a different life. And the next thing I saw was her standing in an office building downtown. The lobby was empty but on the windows you could see the slogan…Live Your Life.

I don’t know why the dream ended like that or so abruptly. But I woke with a purpose of putting as much of it down on paper as possible so I can remind myself that it isn’t what we see that is important, it is what we don’t see. Those little things we take for granted. The hasty judgments we make.  

I want the man I met in my dream. The one I don’t understand but can’t be without. The one, who will frustrate me, then set me at ease. It’s not easy to explain, but I know that what I felt was the spark I need. The one I need to open my heart and let me live my life with someone by my side.

So maybe you have missed me...maybe you have KNOT. ;) I am back and when I have time I will come visit more. I see a couple of my old pals are back on the site again. I love this!! I hope everyone is enjoying spring!!

I am moving!! This is a great thing for me. A bad thing for anyone who looks forward to me being online. I won't have a computer for an unknown length of time. Most of you have my yahoo and or my number. If you want to say hi use them! ;) Many wishes for everyone to be healthy, happy, and well while I am offline!

xoxox

Okay, I'm a moody bitch. My mood is currently volatile and some may feel a bit put out by it. But the fact is I don't need to hold spaces or places for people I don't know or don't wish to speak to. I changed a few things and I am sure no one has noticed. For real when was the last time you read my page beyond the status comment? I'm guilty of not being on much or coming to rate, but you better know if I come I READ! Its nice to be informed. My days of dwelling upon the internet are coming to a close. The rare moments I will be here will be infrequent due to the fact I am moving!!! It's official I should be where I am going by march :) I don't need to say bye to many. I tried but an abundance of lame excuses were what I came across. So adios to almost all of you local people I have shared a moment of time with. ;) I might not have the net for a while or I might decide to avoid it in order to find myself again. I can check my email anytime, most of my friends have it. I recommend you use it if you want to find out how I am or if you miss me. I will miss you. I miss you already obviously! For those very few souls who do keep in touch many kisses and hugs for sticking around and returning my messages!!!

For anyone who gets removed from my list chances are you don't even know my name nor I yours. LOL!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox blog done!

p.s. no I won't show you my boobs on cam :P

So I have been kicking around an idea. It may stir a pot or it may just be absurd. However; I think it may be worth sharing. You know the dredded Dear John letters...I think they are kinda cool. And my thought is to make an entire blog based upon this concept for every man I have ever dated or been intimate with. Only difference is the title would Read their' names. I know very few people actually ever read my blogs so this will not be an extreme expose, but it might enlighten some to the foolishness I have experienced.

It's a thought...for now. :P

So I am watching TV and in the last hour 2 commercials have come on advertising the great connection made on the advertised dating site. Why the hell aren't they showing all of the complete disaterous connections made? Why do they have to pay the actors to portray a happy couple? Why do people buy into this crap?

Anyone out there ever have a wonderful experience on a dating site that resulted in a long term serious healthy relationship?

I'm thinking KNOT!

Somethings happening here.

What it is ain't exactly clear.

There's a girl with a bun over there.

Telling me you got to beware.

It's time we stop, children what's that sound?

Everybody look what's going down.

Ok..so I changed some settings on my photos and completely took the bread and cheese off the shelf. I don't have VIC or P or VD...haha so my family list stays as is. If you aren't in it, I am sorry. No more room at the inn. I'm barely here any more and I so appreciate everyone who has been there, no matter how much. it totally matters TO ME! Not that many of my "friends or family" will come read this, the ones that do will know. I am unplugging come December. The computer that is. It will be hard for about a week, kinda like quitting smoking. Until you replace it with something else you will make yourself crazy. I'm ahead of the game there though, I am crazy ;) So you can try the old fashion approach and call. I may not be able to answer but if I can I will return the call :) Sometimes even when I'm told not to. HAHAHA!! OOOOPS!

I will check in occasionally but not often enough to have you hold a special place for me on your lists. If you do..well thats awesome! If you don't, I promise not to get bent out of shape.

I so hope that all of you have a most wonderful holiday season and that you are all able to find your happiness every day!

If for some reason you don't know my number and want to reach me, you can email me I check that about 4 times a month.

fftkma@yahoo.com ;)

So I log in...

This is not gonna be long. I must leave for work in 4 hours. Thankfully its a short shift. I cannot sleep tonight. Perhaps its was a stressful night. Most likely it was a combination of things. My mind is restless and I can't risk taking a sleep aide.

I do have a cute funny haha thing I will share though. I was asked for a loan. A small loan. A mere 200.00. (Chef Jay must be psychic and know I just typed this because he *sighed*)

I am going to give this loan, not because I am loaded, but because I can't seem to find the word NO. It's going to a good cause. Paying bills for someone very important to me. Not the person who's name is on those bills...but the gorgeous little girl I am so very happy to be the mother of. That's right ;) So even though I am not technically responsible I am always responsible.

And with this little laugh  I am going to run silently for another moment or two.

xoxxoxoxox

p.s. I love you Ed! ha...there you can't say I didn't show you love today :P