Johnny's blog: "Aight... I'm gonna start sharing some laughs again. Can't let heartless people ruin it for everyone. hehe (hugs) :o)"

Just A Day At The Sauna THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FORE-ARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID..."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...? All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? It took five minutes for the TV warm up? Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? Nobody owned a purebred dog? When a quarter was a decent allowance? You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels? You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot? Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box? It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents? They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . and they did? When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady? No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked? Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a ." and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game? Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger? And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today? When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk. As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"? I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care. How many of these do you remember? Candy cigarettes Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers Newsreels before the movie P.F. Fliers Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines Peashooters, Howdy Doody 45 RPM records, Green Stamps, Hi-Fi's Metal ice cubes trays with levers. Mimeograph paper. Beanie and Cecil Roller-skate keys. Cork pop guns, Drive ins, Studebakers. Washtub wringers. The Fuller Brush Man Reel-To-Reel tape recorders. Tinkertoys. Erector Sets. The Fort Apache . Play Set Lincoln Logs. 15 cent McDonald hamburgers 5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum Penny candy 35 cent a gallon gasoline Jiffy Pop popcorn Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"? Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"? "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest? Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening? It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"? The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"? Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot? A foot of snow was a dream come true? Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures? "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense? Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles? The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team? War was a card game? Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle? Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin? Water balloons were the ultimate weapon? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived !!!!

Menopause Jewelry My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead! OWWWWW!!!! lolz ;oO

Stuff For The ladies hehe :oP One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ." And they say blondes are dumb... ------------------------------ A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you.." ------------------------------ "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. ------------------------------ He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. --------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor

The Good Fairy? hehe ;oP A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good, each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death! AMEN ---------------------------------------------- Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. ----------------------------- Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. ------------------------------ Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. ------------------------------ Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher...They're on the wrong feet!" She looked, and sure enough... they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together... They worked to get the boots back on. This time... on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots!" She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face, and scream... "Why didn't you say so?"... like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said... "They're my brother's boots! My Mom made me wear 'em!" Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry... But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat... with a sigh of tortured relief, she asked... "Now... where? Are your mittens???" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots!" The little boy said whiningly. > > > > > > >She will be eligible for parole in three years!!! ROFL!!! :oP

From the Jacksonville, Florida Police Department. > A man goes to a New Years Eve Party and has much too much to drink. His > friends plead with him to let them take him home. > He says no -- he only lives a mile away. > > About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and > ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the > police > radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a > block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put and they would be > right > back. > > They hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and > waits, but finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his > wife > he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that > he has the flu and has been in bed all day. > > Two hours later, the police knock on the door. They ask if her husband is > there. His wife says yes, but that he has the flu and has been in bed all > day. > > The police produce his driver's license and then they ask to see his car. > She wants to know why but they insist, so she takes them to the garage. > She opens > the door, and there, sitting in the garage, is the police car, with all > the lights still flashing. > > This was a true story BTW... told by the driver at his first AA meeting! lol :oP

Just Another Average? Day At The Airport. >>> Two Blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide >> dog, >>> > and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. >>> > >>> > Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the >> cockpit, >>> > the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin >>> > glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just >>> > a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. >>> > >>> > The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people >>> > sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the >>> > water at the >> edge >>> > of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough >> into >>> > the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the >>> > plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a >>> > little >> sheepishly, >>> > and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge >>> > that the plane is in good hands. >>> > >>> > In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, >>> > ya know, Bob.... one of these days.... they're gonna scream too late, and >>> > we're >> all >>> > gonna die." :oP

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes, and Outta the ummmmm yah, Of Senior Citizens! An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences. The following day, Mr Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas." But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, " I told you yesterday that my Private Part died." "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" "Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing." lolz