It has been way to long since I have seen this side of me! And I must say it dose make me happy to see its return! Hiding ones self is never a good thing to do now is it!
The pain is long gone now! And I’m happy for that! Yet the lingering effects of it seem to haunt me!
I used to say “I am pain! I am misery!”
I laugh at that! I am not that I am me!…… and I am something to be feared at times!
I cut to live was my favorite poem! Dedicated to Sophie a ……. friend of mine!
I stopped listening to dark music…. But that just opened my head to the reality of why I started to listen to it!… to night as I write this I am listening to the Rasmus!
One of my fav groups! Mmmmmmm the relive a lot of pent up things inside me!
Do not fear me! I am just a puppy in wolfs skin! I have no teeth just a sweet smile and a happy laugh!
But tell me what lies beneath that smile?
Can you tell me?
I haven’t bloged in nearly long enough!
So now I am! I’m in love! She is Suzan!…..
And I’m happy that she also feels for me what I feel for her!….
I have been neglecting my writing lastly! In the pursuit of what I want in life!
But I don’t even know what it is I want!
I’m every where! I’m in myspace! Gaia! And now cherry tap! Although I like cherry more! Hehe……
I feel some thing inside of me! And I do not know what it is!
I don’t think anyone would know!….. It is my problem!
Scratch that!!!!!…….. Fuck it all!
I’m crying and I know not why!
My tears are clear but why do I wish them red!
why do I look in the mirror and see the broken shards in my hand?
Why do I long to feel the slight pain as I run it across my wrist?
I look into the bath and see my last breath in the bubbles!
I look into the street and see that flash as the car speeds right through me!
I finally see my broken body lying there only inches from the building!
I’m on my knees with the blade posed!
I’m on that cliff!
Just the wind in my hair!
Feels so nice!
I take a step forwards!
And nothing!…….
I wake up crying!
Was it all just a dream?
Are these tears red?
I dear not look!
I don’t want to see the marks on my wrist!
I fall asleep once more and let nightmares take me!
Aren’t these just dreams we live each day by?
Aren’t we just puppets living for uncaring gods that wish to bring only pain and torment!
Ahhhhhhhhh it don’t matter! Oh and good luck trying to understand all this shit my head is a little fucked up right now so I don’t really give a fuck lmao!
Any way…. I’m out now! Seeya laterz!!!!
