“You used me! And I let you!” I shouted at him, slowly coming to terms with what we had done. “I begged you to. And what exactly was it for you? Payback for what your wife has done?” I was angry, and in shock, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I felt them falling down my face and he made no move to brush them away as he had done countless times before.
“Her and I are even now. We can move on with our lives, together.” His words were a tangible, physical pain slicing through my heart. Only moments before we had been clinging to each other in my bed and now we were worlds apart. Did I even know the man standing over me, looking for his clothes?
“While we’re at it, let’s be honest. This whole affair was about more than just your wife, wasn’t it? You were getting even with me too, weren’t you?” I demanded to know through the tears. With everything else I was feeling, I needed to know. A person can only break once, right? “Because I walked away when we were younger… you came back, determined to make me fall in love with you, so that this time you could walk away unscathed.” He nodded and I knew I was wrong about the amount of pain one person could feel. “It wasn’t like that, I never stopped loving you. Walking away from you shattered me, but it was impossible not to go.” I admitted finally. He stopped looking for his shirt and stared at me, dumbstruck. Then the anger came back…
“Why? Didn’t you trust me?”
“How can you ask me that? You are the one person I have trusted my entire life. I didn’t trust me! Especially not with you. How else would this have happened?” I asked, in self pity, pulling back the sheet. “This, between us, happened, because I love you, wanted you more than I valued my own morals. I do love you. You should know that. You also need to know that you were wrong about balancing things with your wife. She cheated on you when she miscarried. You’ve been cheating on her for months. You got me pregnant the first time. I was going to tell you sooner, but then we started fighting. So then I wasn’t going to tell you, but you need to know that truth. So go on back to her, knowing what you have done. Knowing that you can never claim this child as your own without admitting what we’ve done together.”
“I could leave her.” He said after a long silence, his voice subdued. I hadn’t been trying to shock him, but it seems I did anyway. “I could marry you, we could be a family.” His words were stiff and disjointed, the full effect of what he had done was finally reaching him. But he didn’t mean it, he wasn’t happy, and he didn’t love me. So I told him the truth…
“That’s not enough for me."
