Im in a bad mood today so.....
pardon my rant....
but....
It¡¯s amazing how being drunk and having insomnia can have you focused on some shit for hours that has absolutely zero significance to you or anyone else on planet earth.
But oh! What fun it is!!
After getting blizted and then NOT being able to go to sleep ¡ª which is the most back asswards thing I¡¯ve ever heard of in my life ¡ª I stayed up watching reruns of Law & Order and music videos.
Now, I¡¯m not a fan of Law & Order¡ not even a little bit¡ in fact, I¡¯d never even seen an episode until this year.
But that shit was GOOD!
I must have watched three straight hours of that shit from like 1 am until 3am!
¡°But wait Kav¡. 1am to 3am is only two hours??¡±
Not last night it wasn¡¯t!
DUDE!!
The worst night on fuckin earth to have insomnia is after Valentines day depression......it felt like the damn night they turn the clocks BACK.....
Now my ass couldn¡¯t go to sleep for an EXTRA hour!!
What kind of cruel shit is that???
I¡¯m laying in bed watching the hours tick on by, and then at 2am, the shit just flicks on back to 2am!
WTF kind of shit is that??
I had to lay in that muhfucka NOT sleeping AND re-do an hour????
Utter bullshit, I tell ya.
And you know what I realized while watching those re-runs??
People can¡¯t act. At all.
Well, some can, but a lot of muhfuckas on TV suck major ass.
Like the extras on Law & Order??
They were fuckin horrible. They can¡¯t even ¡°act a fool¡±!... They can¡¯t even ¡°act like they know¡±!... They can¡¯t even ¡°act ugly¡±!
Speaking of ugly¡. well, we¡¯ll get to that later¡.
But you know, the worst actors in the history of earth have been
Black folks.
Eddie Winslow from Family Matters??
He.was.horrible. ........I mean, are you serious??
How in the fuck did HE get the job??
Somebody was getting their salad tossed regularly in order for him to stay on the show.....Period....... No question........
In fact, that whole cast was horrible...
A gay ass cop for a daddy......a fake ass Weezy Jefferson for the mama ¡ª the only other woman on earth whose voice sounds like a damn accordion full of bubble gum and alka seltzer....a nerdy ass nerd in Erkel who suddenly became 6¡ä9¡å but still walking around in OshKoshOhMaFuckinGosh overalls ¡ª and his alter ego who was supposed to be fine, but looked a fine mess. ......And the lil sister who went up stairs....never came back down......and recent resurfaced as a 25 year old Porn Star......thats why Negros are so dysfunctional now.......thats the kinda shit Im supposed to aspire to emulate.....are you friggin kidding me????
And that show STAYED on the air because of white folks¡
nikkas don¡¯t watch corny shit like that.
The Parkers?
Non-actin Tinactin muhfuckas.
In fact........every Black show on UPN except Everbody Hates Chris and Love, Inc are full of muhfuckas that can¡¯t act.
Yes! I said LOVE, INC!
That show is the bomb¡ fuck whatcha heard!
Eve. Mark Curry. Willis and Arnold. All them nikkas.
But you know who the worst actors of all times are??
Those damn kids on Good Times.
YEAH! I said it! WHAT??!!
JJ? Thelma? Michael?? MAN!
Them nikkras were HORRIBLE actors........ Now I know I may be at risk of losing my Negro card by talking shit about Good Times, but um¡ the truth is just the truth.
Don¡¯t fight the shit.
Is it any wonder at all that nan one of them muhfuckas appeared in shit else other than Good Times??
Ok ok ok, sure JJ¡¯s ass was in some bullshit like the Love Boat or sum'n......, but that was because he was funny looking¡ not ¡¯cause he could act.
I tell ya, them muhfuckas¡.
Hey! Who called those actors ¡°muhfuckas¡±?
Whose the man next to the man that called them actors ¡°muhfuckas¡±?
Whose the man next to the man next to the gahdamn man that called them actors ¡°muhfuckas¡±??
Well, I ain¡¯t the man next to man.....nor the man next to the man next to the gahdamn man who called them actors ¡°muhfuckas¡±?
But what I wanna know is who called them muhfuckas ¡°actors.¡±
Robin Harris was the man.
But he couldn¡¯t act either¡. you ever see House Party??
So anyway......
I flipped to videos and noticed that every Video Ho on TV is fine as fuck.
Even the ugly broads are FINE!
I mean, do they even let ugly muhfuckas in the business anymore??
I mean, I¡¯m sittin here trying to remember the last ugly heffa with a top hit on the charts..... and I can¡¯t.
I mean, one of them chicks in Brownstone was ugly, but she had the biggest mouth this side of the Mississippi¡. her mouth was on some Charlie Brown Christmas carol shit¡. when she sings, all you see is mouth¡. fuckin eyes, nose, cheeks¡ all that shit disappears.........
So she gets a pass, because big mouths have ¡°potential¡± and the other two chicks in the group were good to go so¡ shit kinda balanced out.
But for real ya¡¯ll, think about it....... Who was the last ugly R&B bitch with a top ten hit??
Or fuck, even with a video??
And I don¡¯t mean ugly like hatin ugly¡.
You know how muhfuckas call people like me ugly......but it¡¯s only hatin ugly because they just hatin on the muhfucka for whatever reason, so they call them ugly?
Like people say Ashanti is ugly.
People also smoke crack.
And neither one of those is right.
Ashanti is not ugly........ In fact...... the heffa is fine. And even if she ain¡¯t your cup of tea...... you can¡¯t call her ugly and be serious......I'm jus sayin.....
Man, videos even got big chix like Jill Scott looking good.
She waddling her big ass across the set to some bangin ass song, and not once does the word ¡°ugly¡± come across your mind.
But the bitch down the street who is the same height, the same weight, with the same triple-F-squared titties gets NO attention.
In fact, YOU call the ¡®hood heffa ugly, but Jill is pretty.
In fact, all the R&B big girls are like that!
Kelly Price..... Angie Stone.......even those two heavy chix off American Idol.....
On TV they are at least not ugly..... and I know TV and makeup and shit do wonders.......but there are still ugly women on TV
(aka Mo¡¯nique ¡ª yes that heffa is ugly¡.. funny, but ugly).... so that can¡¯t be it.
case in point....like I may be ugly as hell.....but I pull up next to you in a ferrari....ya'll...be like gurrrrrl.....did you see Kav's new ride.......if you squint yo eyes just right.......he dun got kinda cute......heyyyyyyyy!!!!
See..... back in the day, ugly bitches had a shot!
If they had talent.......they got to make a record!
Patti LaBelle?......and I love me some Ms Patti.......but...have you seen her old shit?...... Horrible........ Chaka Khan?......She was horrible too........ Aretha Franklin?....... Her AND her nose were horrible (sorry Red, I still love ya! LOL).
And the dudes??
Al Green?? He is one ugly little man¡. truth be told, his wife threw hot grits on his ass to help his shit out!!
Muhfucka¡¯s face looked like scrambled eggs any damn way..
I¡¯da put some grits on that nikka too.
And Ron "Mr. Biggs" Isley ¡ª my hero, my idol, the musical genius ¡ª is one ugly bastard......His face stay on shiny!
Like he rubs his shit with jheri curl juice or s-curl lotion or some shit¡him and Jermaine Jackson have the shiniest faces in civilization.
Ugly dudes with talent?..... Props.
Ugly women with talent?.....blow jobs backstage....
I need to calm down cuz Wallis' fine ass already thinks Im rude, disrespectful and misogynistic... shes wrong.....i just have a strange sense of humor....and like I said this is my post valentimes day MANstration.....
Ah well, there is no point to this entry.......Just re-capturing the thoughts and conclusions of a drunk ass insomniac.
And those conclusions are:
1) The kids on Good Times are the worst actors in the history of television (Penny, excluded ¡ª even the guest starring kids were terrible, like the little deaf nikka with wax buildup that almost fell down the elevator shaft was a horrible actor!)
and
2) There have been no ugly black female singers in the top ten since Tracy Chapman, Grace Jones, and Macy Gray.
And NO ugly R&B bitches since the fuckin 80¡¯s¡
And with that, the sun arises, the birds chirp, and I¡
I sleep.
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