Ariq James's blog: "Ace's blogz"

Survey

It's just 50 little ?s...

 

 

1.) What cuss word(s) do you use the most?

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, mother-fucker, tits, fart, turn 'n twat... take your pick

2.) Do you own an iPod?

nope, just a tiny little MP3 player that's about half-way filled up.

3.) Who on your Myspace "Top Friends" list do you talk to the most?

I have NO fuckin' clue. I'm rarely on Myspace anymore.

4.) What time is your alarm clock set for?

It ain't...

5.) What color is your house?

livin' in an apt.

6.) Flip flops or sneakers?

neither. I prefer to wear shoes or boots 

7.) Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?

either or, I really don't care...

8.) What was the last movie you watched?

"Damage" starring Stone Cold Steve Austin (saw it in the theaters, loved it, so I bought a copy with a gift card I got)

9.) Do any of your friends have children?

Why, yes. My best friend (and current roommate) has 3. His youngest, Jurelle, is 6 and he's actually REALLY COOL little guy!

 10.) Has anyone ever called you lazy?

uh, yeah, I get called that on a daily basis. It isn't ALWAYS true, I swear...

11.) Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?

yes, I usually have to, but it never "kicks in" quite fast enough

12.) What CD is currently in your CD player?

I listen to free Internet radio most of the time, now...

13.) Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?

2%

14.) Has anyone told you a secret this week?

I plead the 5th...

15.) Have you ever given someone a hickey?

I'm takin' the 5th on that one, too.

16.) Who was the last person to call you?

Alyssa

17.) Do you think people talk about you behind your back?

I'm sure there are jealous, insecure losers out there who DO, but I really could not care less. They really COULDN'T have THAT MUCH to talk about when the subject is Yours Truly. And they wouldn't be "talking" about me. They'd be COMPLAINING about me...

18.) Did you watch cartoons as a child?

Well, of course! I mean, I WAS a child growing up in America in the mid-80s, so naturally during the ages 4-13 I was (weekly) sitting downstairs in front of the TV every Saturday morning for FOUR straight hours watching X-men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (ya know, shit like that...)

19.) How many siblings do you have?

2 little sisters (well, they're not so "little" anymore, they're 24 & 25 now)

20.) Are you shy around the opposite sex?

only if I'm severely attracted, but I can also "act" REALLY shy quite well, in fact (ya know, play "Hard To Get")

21.) What movie do you know every line to?

I don't know EVERY line, but I'm in the process of learning them; all 6 Star Wars episodes

22.) Do you own any band t-shirts?

I have 2 or 3 Metallica shirts

23.) What is your favorite salad dressing?

Bacon Ranch

24.) Do you read for fun?

yes and no. I mostly read to relax, but I have at times...

25.) Do you cry a lot?

only if it hurts like a BITCH

26.) Have you ever farted in public?

one more time, I'm gonna plead the 5th...

27.) Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

I gotta desktop. My best friend & roommate has a Gateway FX laptop that's worth 3 grand

28.) Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?

more piercings and MANY more tats (only have my earlobes pierced and 1 small tat on my right ankle so far)

29.) What is the weather outside like?

coldish, gray, overcast 'n dreary...

30.) Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

maybe not COVERED, but I like/want a BUNCH of ink, so yeah, I'd date her

31.) Do you think having sex before you're married is wrong?

nope. it ain't wrong at all

32.) When was the last time you slept on the floor?

I honestly can't remember

33.) How many hours of sleep do you need to in order to function adequately?

not much, between 6-8, I guess...

34.) Are you in love or lust?

truthfully, I've never actually been in love, but I really would LOVE to learn what it feels like. constantly lusting over (damn-near) any attractive young lady gets REAL old REAL quick...

35.) Are your days full and fast-paced?

not really, I don't function well under pressure...

36.) Do you pay attention to nutrition lists on cereal boxes?

I might look at them once and then immediately remember that I really don't give a shit

37.) How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

I'll turn 28 (9/10)

38.) Are you picky about spelling and grammar?

VERY!!!

39.) Have you ever been to Six Flags?

no, but my mom 'n sister went

40.) Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?

opposite, ladies are generally more understanding and way more accepting, so, for those reasons, they're MUCH easier to get along with. then again, I AM heterosexual, so my attraction to most young ladies also helps me out in many social situations (more often than not)

41.) Do you like Cottage Cheese?

yes. my mom likes it with jalapeno jelly on top

42.) Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?

mostly my stomach, but I toss 'n turn, so I never know what I'll be laying on when I wake up

43.) Have you ever bid for something on eBay?

nope. nuttin'.

44.) Do you enjoy giving hugs?

"enjoy"?!? no, no, no... I LOOOOOOOVE giving hugs (especially to short [5'-5'8"], Southern, redheaded ladies)

45) What song did you last sing out loud?

my vocal cords atrophied (severely weakened due to lack of use during my 4.5 week coma) to a point to where my voice slurs when I speak, so I can't sing to save my life.I think it was probably some church hymn when I was like 7 or 8 years old

46) What is your favorite TV show(s)?

Law & Order, Jersey Shore (I honestly have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHY that show appeals to/entertains me

47) Which celebrity (celebrities) dead or alive would you most like to have lunch with?

let's see, there's Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Eva Mendes, Bobbi Billard, Carlos Mencia, Jeff Foxworthy, Nicholas Cage, Eddie Guererro, John Cena, Steve Austin, sooooooo many others to choose from...

48) Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

is THAT what that was? god, I just thought I was gonna puke or somethin', but uhh... lemme see... the last time was... uhh... oh, shit... uh... I plead the 5th

49) What 4is the one thing do you completely, totally and absolutely wish/ you had more than ANYTHING else?

a strong, steady, outrageously profitable Hustle

50) What is your favorite song, and who is it by?

 "Broken" by Seether feat. Amy Lee of Evanescence 

¦ Depression ¦

 

 

Honestly, sometimes it's not a hard thing NOT to have. Especially not if you're in my type of situation.

"So, what exactly is your situation?" you might ask. Well, buckle your seat belt, lock the door and hold on tight, 'cause here it comes:

If you've read some of my other blogs you probably know that I (in the past) suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. ANYONE with a TBI knows just how fucking difficult it is to NOT have some form depression every single goddamn day. Sometimes it just really doesn't matter how many "good" things may (or may not) be currently happening to me, that fucker called Life Itself will ALWAYS find a way to look down on me and keep me down. I've dealt with numerous setbacks almost all my life (and most of those didn't occur until AFTER I suffered my TBI), and the things that I really want I rarely ever get, and then what I truly need I either just don't want it when I can get it, or fuckin' Life Itself will just find a way of denying it to me. My usual train of thought is: "After I get a hold of  'A' then acquiring 'B' shouldn't be all THAT hard, right?" More often than not, I'll get my hands on 'A', and then 'B' will either remain totally unreachable or the situation will utterly refuse to have ANYTHING to do with me. If you truly know me (and who I am) then you know who (and what) I'm talking about.

I'm sure many of you probably understand that it sounds pretty easy for me to become (and stay) depressed, now that you know what kind of shit I go through on a daily (almost hourly) basis. Most of the affore-mentioned shit doesn't come from any kind of outside influence, but is instead unwillingly (and unwittingly) created by my own psyche (subconscious mind) as my damaged mind quite often speaks to me in an EXTREMELY insulting and SEVERELY degrading manner.

I never want this to happen, but I can't stop it from happening, and I'm hopelessly trapped in an infinite spiraling vortex that NO ONE can possibly escape. No, I actually don't take medication for depression (though I probably should) and no, I don't see a psycologist for my undiagnosed case of depression (though I used to see one, just not for depression). No, I don't have even a sliver of hope for ANY kind of change whatsoever, and why yes, I really DO horrifically dread the future and quite fearfully anticipate discovering exactly just how The Powers That Be are going to violently stomp all of my unique feelings and emotions down into the black tar pit of Irrational Fear & Unfounded Dread, which ALWAYS, without fail, makes me feel an absolutely HUGE dose of profound disappointment when I wake up every morning ('cause I realize I'll just have to buck up, accept all the shit I'm being dealt for that day and then "keep on smiling"). Committing suicide was (at one time) an eventual plan, then it became a possibility, then it turned into The Only Way Out that I could even fathom, but now I've come to the conclusion that taking my own life is nothing more than A Pussy's Way Out, and I've also realized that there is much I have yet to experience, so many things I've never done, while there's also so, so, so many disappointments I have yet to experience.

Realistically, there is just so much worthless bullshit for me to look foward to.......

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about....

2) Guys are more emotional than you think. If they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try. And usually for quite some time after the fact.

3) Guys go CRAZY over a girl's smile.

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?... uh... nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are really thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he really just needs someone to listen to him. You actually don't NEED to give advice.

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

8) GUYS LOVE A LOT YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE THEM!!!

9) Guys use words like "hot" or "cute" to describe girls. They rarely use "beautiful" or "gorgeous." If a guy uses a word like that, he really loves you or (at least) likes you a whole hell of a lot.

10)If a guy does something really stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with that girl.

11)If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something.

12) When a guy says he is going crazy about a girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "I'm hurting. Please come and listen to me."

14)If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

16) Guys really think that girls are strange and make unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them in spite of, or because of it.

17)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

18)No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

19)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE!!! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.

20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

21)Even if you dumped a guy months ago and he loved you then, he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.

which is better? [marsha marsha marshmellow or cherry garcia] Never tried either [family guy or simpsons] they're both funny [club or bar] both [horse or cowboy] horse [comedy or horror] comedy [pool or bowling] pool [snowboarding or skiing] I can't do either [xbox or playstation] Xbox [new rock or old rock] any rock is cool [rap or hip hop] they both suck [beer or hard alcohol] depends on my mood first date: dinner and drinks or movie and drinks? dinner and drinks [blonde or brunette] redhead [blue or brown eyes] green eyes [coke or pepsi] pepsi [tall or short] tall or short what? [big butt or big boobs] big tits [smart and ugly or stupid and pretty] stupid and pretty [camaro or corvette] 'Vette pizza toppings: little or a lot? a lot having fun or hate these? they're okay [tent or hotel room] hotel room [main road or off road] off road [kids or no kids] kids [smoking or non-smoking] SMOKING!!! [republicans or democrats] the elephant can kiss my ass (if you get that, you're special) CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Brandon Birthday: Sept. 10, 1983 Birthplace: Portland, OR Current Location: Aloha, Oregon Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Brown Height: 6'4" Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Your Heritage: Hell if I know The Shoes You Wore Today: I don't know, just shoes Your Weakness: Addictive substances (tobacco, pot, etc.) Your Fears: I fear nothing and regret less Your Perfect Pizza: Ham, sausage, black olive & onion Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get a job, girlfriend, apartment, win the lottery, that kinda shit Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't IM Thoughts First Waking Up: Shit! I'm still tired. Your Best Physical Feature: My height Your Bedtime: Whenever Your Most Missed Memory: Having a girlfriend Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi (they make Mountain Dew!) MacDonalds or Burger King: Both are okay Single or Group Dates: Single, more private Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla Cappuccino or Coffee: Mocha Do you Smoke: Smoke what? Do you Swear: I might do that shit Do you Sing: Could hold a tune if you paid me Do you Shower Daily: Uhmm... Duh Have you Been in Love: Once....... I miss it Do you want to go to College: High School was hard enough, so no Do you want to get Married: I WANT to, but Whether or not it'll happen is anybody's guess Do you belive in yourself: How? Do you get Motion Sickness: No Do you think you are Attractive: I think I'm the exact opposite Are you a Health Freak: Every time I turned around. That's why I cheated on her. What goes around, comes around, bitch! Do you get along with your Parents: Rarely Do you like Thunderstorms: I hate rain Do you play an Instrument: I used to play the drums In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Occasionally In the past month have you Smoked: Smoked what? In the past month have you gone on a Date: I haven't had a date in 4 and 1/2 years In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Maybe In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Not a whole box, but most of it In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I don't think so In the past month have you been on Stage: No In the past month have you been Dumped: How can I get dumped when I've been sungle for almost 5 years In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Never done that, never will In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No Ever been Drunk: Twice Ever been called a Tease: No Ever been Beaten up: I get my ass handed to me regularly Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was 7 How do you want to Die: Quickly What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Married What country would you most like to Visit: Anyplace in Europe In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: Green Favourite Hair Color: Dark red Short or Long Hair: Long and slightly curly Height: Significantly shorter than me Weight: Light enough so I can pick her up Best Clothing Style: Whatever's comfortable Number of Drugs I have taken: 1 Number of CDs I own: About 25 or so Number of Piercings: 2 So far Number of Tattoos: None yet Number of things in my Past I Regret: Let's just say I regret my ENTIRE past CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

[Marital Status] I think I'll be single forever [Shoe size] 14 [Parents still together] yes [Siblings] 2 younger sisters [Pets] 3 cats, 4 dogs, 5 birds FAVORITES [Color] Red, blue & black (but mostly blue) [Number] 7, 69, 420, 8401 [Animal] Any dog that doesn't bite me [Drinks] Screwdrivers, Malt liquers, strawberry daquiris [Soda] Mountain Dew Code Red & Vault [Book] Almost anything Star Wars [Flower] Black roses DO YOU [Color your hair?] Once in a blue moon [Twirl your hair?] nope [Have tattoos?] Not yet. So many in mind. [Have Piercings?] Both my ears for now. I hope more soon. [Cheat on tests/homework?] Does anybody actually answer that question honestly? [Drink/Smoke?] Drink/Smoke what? [Like roller coasters?] They're OK [Wish you could live somewhere else?] Anywhere tropical [Want more piercings?] Definitely [Like cleaning?] Not that much but I'll do it if no one else will [Write in cursive or print?] I try to print, but my handwriting's sloppy [Own a web cam?] Not yet [Know how to drive?] I know how, but I don't [Own a cell phone?] Yes [Ever get off the damn computer?] Rarely HAVE U EVER [Been in a fist fight?] Yes, and I kicked his ass [Considered a life of crime?] That'd be fun, but I'd definitely get caught [Considered being a hooker?] Hell no!!! [Lied to someone?] I plead the 5th [Been in love?] Not in a while [Made out with JUST a friend?] Once [Been in lust?] Daily [Used someone] I'm better than that [Been used?] More times than I can count [Been cheated on?] Same answer as above [Kicked someone in the nuts?] Yeah, and it was fun [Stolen anything?] I refuse to admit it [Held a gun] A BB gun (if that counts) CURRENTS [Current clothing] Whatever's comfortable [Current mood] I don't care [Current taste] I probably taste like cigarettes [What you currently smell like] Uh....... cigarettes [Current hair] Short and spiky brown [Current thing I ought to be doing] Getting laid/high/drunk, that kinda shit [Current cd in stereo] Linkin Park "Meteora" [Last book you read] Somethin' Star Wars [Last movie you saw] Daredevil [Last thing you ate] Cheeseburgers [Last person you talked to on the phone] I don't remember [Do drugs?] Only pot [Believe there is life on other planets?] Yes, and it HAS to be better than Earth Remember your first love?] Uhm....... Cora in Kindergarten [Still love him/her?] Haven't seen her since then [Read the newspaper?] Just the funnies [Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Yeah, they're nice people [Believe in miracles?] They NEVER happen to me [Do well in school?] Hey, at least I went, right? [Wear hats] Every once in a while [Hate yourself?] Daily [Have an obsession?] Star Wars [Collect anything?] Redneck jokes [Have a best friend?] Not really [Close friends?] 1 or 2 [Like your handwriting?] Even I can barely read it [Care about looks] Not obbsessively LOVE LIFE [First crush] Cora Parmenter [First kiss] Some bitch named Melissa [Do you believe in love at first sight?] Yes [Do you believe in "the one?"] "The one" what? [Are you a tease?] I hope not [Too shy to make the first move?] I'm too bold, I tend to scare girls away ARE U A [Daydreamer] Is that what you call it? [Bitch/Asshole] Only when I'm in a bad mood [sarcastic] Sometimes [Angel] I don't have wings (dammit!) [Devil] Only when I'm pissed [Shy] About what? [Talkative] Sometimes too much CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

95% of American men are dickheads, thinkin' w/ their balls, not their brains. EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THE FUCKIN" WORLD is beautiful in some way, shape, or form. That's the way it is. Just because a woman may not be "all that" physically attractive, they more oftan than not make up for it with a beautifully deep and complex personality, shot full of compassion and understanding. THAT (regardless of "popular" opinion) is the MOST attractive thing about a woman.

Almost everyone is unconditionally accepted, free of charge and "regardless of age, race, sexual identity, creed, religion or lack of religion." In fact, it's usually ME requesting someone's friendship. If you rate my profile a 10, comment bomb/rate 10s to my pics, once I've noticed it, I'll request YOUR friendship & do my best 2 return the favor.

Please, keep an open mind! Don't judge my past, as I won't judge yours (should I learn about it). I'll just come out with it. At my 3rd job, Godfather's Pizza, I met a co-worker who (both on and off the clock) dealt marijuana. Knowing nothing about it, he "taught" me about it, then gave/sold me some to try out, hoping I'd become a "customer" (which I did). Since then I was hooked, spending half the money I acquired weekly on pot. I say WAS because my current "unemployedness" is really starting to grate on me. As of January 5th, 2007, I have 9 months clean. I've joined a Narcotics Anonymous group that I attend twice a week (sometimes more). I won't lie and say kickin' pot and stayin' off it was/is easy, but neither is it impossible. I'm glad my addiction didn't last long enough that I got a pot leaf tattooed on my body, 'cause then I'd be forced to spend a grand (or more) to remove it. I'm not posting this blog to brag, I'm just kinda proud of myself, AND I believe I shouldn't keep the lesson I learned all to myself. Lessons are only truly learned when they are shared so others can also learn from them, without having to "walk the path" to learn them. Having had the experience I've had in NA, I know (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that I'll never smoke pot again (or use ANY other street drug, in any form), and that's a good thing because one thing I learned while in drug/alcohol counseling is that ALL drugs, from caffeine to cocaine, put holes, dents and divots in your brain (literally). Because I watched a movie on that has ensured that I will ALWAYS pass drug tests, for whatever reason they're given, because I will NEVER AGAIN use illegal drugs. I still smoke cigarettes, and drink caffeinated drinks by the gallon, but nicotine and caffeine cause slow, small damage (unlike the illegal street drugs), so the damage done is survivable.

On August 4th, 2001, while walking across a street, I was struck/run over by a Ford Explorer. From that event I sustained MANY injuries, but the most serious of which was (is) a Traumatic Brain Injury. Now (and for the rest of my life) I'm just a little slower than most. Physically, my entire left side is weaker and less coordinated. While I did re-learn to walk and talk, my balance has been so irrepairably damaged I'll (probably) never ride a bike again. I have barely any problems doing "normal" everday activities, but learning new things might take me a while. While sustaining a TBI has changed me, yes, but I'm no less of a person, and can still (I hope) lead an enjoyable life. Many people have shunned me or treated me poorly because of my disability, but I've learned 2 important lessons from that: 1) A large number of people in this world just don't care 2) What doesn't kill/hurt you only makes you stronger/tougher A lot of people don't like me because I'm disabled and "slow in the head," then I really don't need them in my life. I'll just look harder for kind and accepting people to spend time with. Becoming disabled myself has changed the way I look at people in wheelchairs or with mental retardation, and the thoughts I direct towards them. Instead if pity and comtempt, I feel proud that they've survived as much as they have, and learned (sucessfully) to live with their disabilty and to work around the obsticles Life throws in their way. My advice to those with disabilies: DON'T GIVE UP!!! My advice to everyone else: Show kindness and compassion to the peple who have to daily work/try just a little harder to live a "normal" life.