in an earlier blog i mentioned that the greatest love affair of my life was the relationship between me and my children. i love my children boundlessly. i love them when they're successful and make me proud, i love them when they're moody, i love them when they're wallowing in their own mire, i love them when they're surging forward and away from me. i carried them beneath my physical heart, delivered them safely into this life, and carry them always with me in my soul.
they're grown. i've not a child under 20. not a teen in the mix. go me. i've done it. i survived having teen agers.
throughout their lives my children have seen many changes in me. all i can hope for is that they understand that each change was necessary and led to personal growth. and of course i hope, like any good parent, that my struggles and my trials and tribulations as well as my joys and exhaultations will lead to their development as people too.
i'd like to say i was always the best example of behavior to my children, that i was always mentally and spiritually sound, that i was always rational and kind, but i can't. i am a frail soul... or was a frail soul and i am sure i gave them a glimpse into my instabilities and fears. it's a sad but true fact.
i was a young mother. i meet many women close to my age who are still in the throes of child rearing and i wonder how they can do it. my children took up so much of my energy that i think to have waited and had them later in life i would have been swallowed whole by the experience. or perhaps i would have been older and wiser and not been as involved as i was.. but i doubt that about me.
now i find myself at this point, not unique to the world but unique to me, of being the parent of adults. i like it. it affords me freedoms i never knew existed.
i worry about their day to day lives, but have no worries that they'll end up ok. they're my children after all... and they come from survivor stock.
so this love affair of mine goes on with my children, into foreign frontiers... and i am sure it will grow and change with time but always exist.
i love you, my babies. i love you, my strong adults. make me proud & i'll do my best to make you proud.