CK1 aka Gingerbread Redd's blog: "About me!"

I had someone tell me i was beautiful then turn around and ask me  to get Nasty with them

this is my reply:

Thank you for the compliment first and foremost. Secondly I don't get nasty ...I've made the choice in my life to wait for one who appreciates that I have more to offer then to spread my legs and show off my body to all the men out there just because they ask or talk dirty to me.

his sent reply:

your welcome and I respect that of you

I may show a little cleavage in my pics, I'm comfortable in my own skin. But that does not mean I conduct myself in a hoarish fashion. I do my best to show some class and I don't think my actions pics or words are rarely ever distastful. All I ask is for is  a little respect. I'm not on some site to hook up etc.

I mess up and fall short sometimes. I'm far from perfect. My actions and words, don't always match. I know who I am, sometimes my hopes and desires and true believes get pushed aside due to my need to be  loved or accepted. I'm human. I've sent mixed messages to people and then turned around and placed blame when they may have been confused or hurt by my actions and words not matching. I'm not proud to admit I've crossed the line, and sent mixed messages. I wish I could go back and right the wrongs on my part, but it isn't always possible. And I certainly don't want to be someones pain the butt. I am a work in progress too. I hope in your heart you do see the true me beyond the crazy bs. I'm truly sorry for any hurt or confusion I may have caused. I'm thankful for the experience that has shown me this defect within myself. I'm thankful with no regrets. Always know there is a special place in my heart for you and thank you for being you!!!

Remember in Sunday school the little song ..be careful little mouth what you say, be careful little hears what you hear, etc etc. Well I've added a verse be careful little brain what you think. Our thoughts become actions....everything begins with a thought. Everything!!!! Even our attitude toward things begin with a thought. Depression is a result of our own thoughts. Actions, you name it. Our attitude toward money if we are constantly thinking I don't have it we won't have it. Think about the things you think about our thoughts become our reality!!!

The damn burst

suddenly I was sucked under the current

there had been no rain

there hadn't even been sunshine

There were birds, and trees and green green grass

Even childrens laughter

but for me nothing

just a bystander

watching it all pass me by

no expectations

little hopes

but no feeling

where did it come from

was I going to drown

emotions lost

swept away

Out of nowhere

I'd been on a journey

no real destination

no feelings

burned and burned out

but there I was

When the damn burst!!!

GET OFF THE PITY POT FOR GOODNESS SAKE...WIPE THE CRAP OFF AND JOIN THE PARTY/LIFE!!
YOU ARE ROBBING YOURSELF BY SITTING THERE!!!! WHY DO YOU WALLOW IN THE CRAP, WALK AROUND WITH SHIT SMEARED GLASSES? IF YOU ARE WALKING AROUND WITH SHIT SMEARED GLASSES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WILL SEE....SHIT!!! WHEN YOU ARE ENJOYING LIFE THE SHIT DISAPPEARS. IN EVERY SITUATION YOU NEED TO FIND OR BE THE LIFE THE PARTY AND NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SUCKED IN BY THE SHIT. ITS LIKE QUICKSAND AND WILL BURRY YOU ALIVE. ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP FROM GETTING BACK ON THE PITTY POTTY OR SINKING IN THE SHIT. YOU FLIP THE SWITCHES YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE , YOU MAKE THE CHOICE AS TO HOW YOU SEE IT. YOU, YOURSELF ARE THE KEY TO THE LIFE YOU HAVE AND DESERVE. MAKE A CHOICE TODAY AND BE HAPPY, LIVE HAPPY!!! GET OFF THE PITTY POT WIPE YOUR ASS AND BE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO HAVE!!!

From the rafters that ugly spider came

and with my broom i killed and mammed

He will not return to where he was before

Because he is laying dead on my floor!

Love ..think about it. It's not just a person, its in everything. What do you love? Wake each morning thinking on the things and people you love, fill your day with these thoughts. Not the things or ppl we dislike. Create a loving environment for yourself by thinking on that which you love and dont let the negative overcome you. You have the power within to change the world, even if its the little corner you live in. Love is all around you but you have to look for it.

  Aren't we all some kind of fucked up!! Don't we all wonder where we went wrong or where we re going? I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in figuring it out  we forget we have today. We forget to live. I'm not even sure I know how. I've chased roses and dreams and the magic fairy tale that I don't know what it is to live anymore. When I let someone in it's only for a small glimse of who or what I am or the potential of what it could be. It's not long before I push them away or they run like hell to get out. I'm tired of the walls, and the fascade of happiness, when inside I'm truly numb. I want so much to blame the past, marriages (2 failed), or the childhood of growing up in an alcoholic home, or just too many kids, that my parents just couldn't keep up. But truth is happiness comes from within ourselves and mine is burried so deep I don't even know where it is anymore. It's not that dream man or a nice home , or the shiny new vehicle I'd love to see parked in my garage. What is it anyway? I don't think I know anymore. I work hard, play very little, and keep going. I've read books, gone to church, poured my heart out to God and to others. I don't know how to live for today, and yet i wonder why my daughter is so scared to graduate and begin her adult life, so much life ahead of her, the beginning of a journey. I want new beginnings and new journeys. Not a do over just a new over. And yet I'm here and not quite there stuck here in the middle of some kind of fucked up.

Crying doesnt meake it easier

Wishing won't make it happen

I need you

The last argument we had

Never getting to say goodbye

One day you were just gone

No more redneck accent to hear

When I just needed a friend

No more pictures or silly jokes

No more songs

I want you back

I want you back

Please come back to me

Heavens gain is so my loss

I miss you and I want you back

My inner soul bleeds, dying with each breath.

longing to reach out beyond the dark place

within it cries to you,

wanting you,

needing you

lost beyond all measure

drowning in its own pool of life

the very essencence of being your own black hole

It only gets bigger and bigger

as you back away feeling like a puppet

tied up in battle, torn and ripped apart by your own wounds

tears dried and gone a heart hardened

no longer glass but stone-cold wet moss covered stone.

The soul drowns daily

only to awaken to the cold hard reality of lonliness.

Its like sinking in quick sand

and you wake gasping for air

only to realize the very air you breath has been sucked from your body

leaving you for dead and useless every time.