a thank you to some special people in my life
its amazing the impact people can have in your life...there are two people right now that has helped me see a different side of myself...someone i had forgotten was there...one is a very dear friend who has been here for me almost 2 years...he nver gave up on me even when i was making terrible self-destructive choices...we even met here on myspace...our friendship has grown and developed amazingly....i went through some pretty hair shit this past year...especially at christmas and in this spring...and he was there through it all...working so hard to hold me up..trying to give me guidance...some of which i didnt understend or simply ignored...there are times when we dont want to hear the truth...but he didnt give up...he was still there when things were the worst...i can now see and appreciate the patince and understanding he had through it all...and when i was ready to see...he shone the light for me...helped guide me out of dispair...we all know things dont get better right away...but his patience and persistance paid off...i feel like i have awakened from a nightmare...i wasnt able to sleep last night....i need to talk to him so badly...i waited hours for him to come online...and when he did...he spent over 3 hours talking to me...helping me through the dawn...helping me see the light of a new day...and facing it...not hiding from it filled with fear...some things still scare me...one thing is going back to school...but i know he will be there to help and support me..to give me the encourgament i need to keep going ...to keep from giving up...maybe even help with my homework...lol...you know who you are...and i know you will read this...i want you to know how much you mean to me..and i'm saying it here so everyone else will know how special a man you are....i have come to love you with all my heart with a love that can only be found in very rare curcumstances...thank you for being in my life and sticking with me when i was a mess
the other person i met just recently...from the moment he saw me he could see the sadness in my heart...he asked me if i was sad...i told him no and started crying...he was so patient and gentle for the next 2 hours...listening to me ...he drew me out...i talked about things over my whole life i never talked to anyone about...not even in therapy...( and i've been therapy for 18 years ! )...he could see in me the confident secure woman that was there...i'm not totally convinced yet...lol...these life changing events take time to fully form and develope...he also has been an encouraging force in getting my life in order...to look at stopping some of my self-destructive behaviour...cant do it all at once.....i can see better the things i've been doing...the bad choices i've been making...and i'm ready to stop...enough is enough...time to start a real life...i'm starting with getting out of this one roon hole i've hid myself in...new place starts a new life...and from there...learning the damn bus system...lol...so i can get to the scool...i feel a great weight lifted off me...as another good friend has said...''bring it on !!!!''
