Chica T GurL's blog: "A Texas Wife"

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 

 Keep reading-they get better!!!

 

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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding

items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a

television set in her purse. "So, do you always

carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied,

"but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could

do to him legally."

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take

boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper

thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and

still be afraid of a spider.

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is

essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes

and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your

wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's

arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he

deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the

counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking

for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like

this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton

of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some

rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I

figure if I have to roll my own... so does she.

     (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,

not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an

argument and neither of them wanted to concede their

position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,

and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives

of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 

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WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words

women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,

"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to

men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how

you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the

same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said,

"You should do it because you get up first, and then

we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The

husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around

here and you should do it, because that is your job,

and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies,

"No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies,

"I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the

Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at

the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"

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THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would

need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning

business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the

silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please

wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would

find it.  The next morning, the man woke up, only to

discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't

wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by front the

bed. The paper said, "It's 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not

equipped for these kinds of contests.

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"A Texas Wife" Three men married wives from different states. The first man married a woman from Michigan . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Missouri . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third man married a girl from TEXAS . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.