ok so everybody here is the story of my friday the 13th....
ok it starts at midnight and i am drunk and being an asshole...i guess, i really don't remember...i think i may have pissed off some good friends, which is really wierd cause when i get drunk i am usually calm and relaxed...but i had a bad day on the 12th...thats a whole other story...well i walk in to the second room of the club and run into my friend jess, she procedes to come running up to me and she jumps on me, i mean arms around me and wraps her legs around me. unfourtunately for me i am a lil bit tipsy and very unbalanced, i try put all my weight and hers on my right leg to keep us from falling, keep in mind i am intoxicated, when i get our balance i fractured my leg and tore several ligaments and muscles...i don't realize this and continue the night dancing and just being an ass. i do realize that i am in alot of pain but the alcohol numbs it. so i keep putting pressure on my leg and falling all over the place. but, i am numb and ignore it. i end up kissing some chick and probably pissed her off, she did kiss me back, but if i was to see her i know i would regret it.
fast forward to the ride home...
now i do not like to drink and drive. and there is no excuse for doing it, but like i said i had a bad day and at this point i didn't care. so we are driving down the highway, speeding as usual, and bang there is a state cop. my also inebriated cousin says step on it and get off the next exit. so i did. and i didn't even know the cop was behind me. so i came up to a red light and stopped and seeing there was no traffic i went through it. now i see the cop behind me cause he turns on his lights. oh fuck i am thinking. so i pull over imedeiately. the officer approaches my truck and asks me "do you know why i am pulling you over?" and i answer with "well i wasn't speeding, but i did blow through the red light". he looks at me in amasement and says "sir have you been drinking?" and of course i don't lie "yes officer i have been, but i only had 1 or 3 drinks" so he asks liscense and registration, and i comply. then here comes the sobriety test. follow the light touch the end of my pen with your index finger. so i did. then he asks me to step out of the vehicle. i go to shut off the truck and the officer tells me i can leave my truck running so my frind don't freeze. and i say "screw him with gas prices today i am shuting my truck off" .when i open the door he flashes his light on my cousin and asks him "sir, have you been drinking?" and my all so intelligent cousin responds with "sir i have and i am fucking cocked". way to go bob. so now i go to the back of my truck where i have to walk in a straight line spin and walk again...remeber my friends, my leg is fractured and my muscles torn...so i do the walk falling all over myself. i was in alot of pain trying to go heal toe heal toe. then he says we are gonna do the standing on one leg thing...i look at the officer and i tell him " sir, sober i have no balance, and i belive i injured my leg tonight" he asks me how and i tell him the lil story and he says go sit in the truck. i get back in the truck and start laughing my ass off with bob. we are trying not to laugh to loud. i don't know if he heard us or not. now we are sitting there for like a half hour. freezing, cause i am not gonna start my truck back up and make him think i am gona make a run for it. finally he comes back up to my window and tells me my liscense is suspended and i am driving illeagaly. fuckin great i am thinking now on top of d.u.i. and speeding and running a red light, i am fucking driving illeagally...i am definately going to fucking jail...WRONG...the officer asks me if i know any one that will come pick my cousin and i up and drive my truck home. the lord smiles upon this here whitetrash. we start calling everyone...my ex wife hangs up on us...becky hangs up on us...bobs step mom, yup you guessed it hangs up on us...i continue to try and call my brother...the officer comes back up to the truck and tells me if i don't find someone soon he's gonna have to arrest me and impound my truck...finally my brother answers, we tell him the story and he's on his way. i tell the officer my brothers coming he goes back to his crusier and comes back with bobs id and my reg. and 2 tickets one for having a loud exhaust and the other a violation for driving with a suspended liscense, then tells me he can't give me my liscense back...hey you know what my friends, i thought to myself, if the only thing i am getting is a $100 ticket and he keeps my liscense, woo-hoo thank god. now here we go my brother shows up drunk and our friend matt does not have a licsense, fucking great...but they walk right past the cops my brother jumps into my truck and bob goes to my brothers truck and away we go...thank you lord i am home safe and so is my truck. it's 4 o'clock in the morning...
what a start huh!
turns out the officer that pulled me over owns a mitsubishi and i gave him a discount for some parts he needed a month or two back. funny thing is when i told him i would give him the discount i didn't know he was a state cop and for some reason he told me so i in turn told him "i helped you out, if you ever pull me over remember me and help me out" he stayed to his word. i guess not all cops are assholes huh.
fast forward to 8 o'clock...
i wake up and i am in so extreme pain, and then find out that matt called my work and told them i was in jail...oh great now the guys at work think i am arrested...i am gonna tell them the truth when i go in monday...i couldn't get to work cause i didn't have a drivers liscense...so i go back to bed and wake up at 11 o'clock, get dressed and head down to my truck. guess where i am going...thats right to the DMV i am gonna get my liscense back,and i am gonna drive there... well $310 and a 2 hours later i got it back, sweet, now i am going to the hospital cause i am in some serious pain...i wait for about a half hour in the er and then i talk to the doctor get some x-rays and bam thats when i find out about my fracture and torn ligaments and muscles...oh fucking yay...now i got a brace, crutches and a whole bottle of vikes...boy is this day fucked or what...so now i go fill my perscription, pick up my son and go home...it is now 5o'clock and i am back home leg elevated, my son destroying the place..lol...and wondering wow i had a really fucked up day thank god it's over...
it's 8:49 now and i started this story at 8...i hope you enjoy my misery on usually my luckiest day of the year for me...over all if you think about it i am extremely lucky...i got drunk, drove home, din't kill no one, got pulled over, lost my liscense,got sent home, got my liscense back, went to the hospital, found out i am broken, get vikes (just to let you, my friends, know i am not a pill popper and i probably will have that bottle for awhile...i only take pain killers when i am using them for what i got them for), and go home to relax...yeah thank god it's over...thanks for reading...feel free to comment about how much of a stupid dumbshit lucky ass motherfucker i am.
and in closing i would like to thank the following people..bob for making me go out, syl and laura for putting up with my shit at the bar, jess for fracturing my leg...don't worry kid i'll be fine i think it's kind of funny...the state cop for keeping up his end of the bargin, my brother for coming out at three in the morning and saving me...matt for doing the same as justin and also calling me in to work...big rob my assistant. dude iam so sorry for not coming in i am sure you had plans for your half day and i ruined them but can you see why i didn't make it in...and last but not least...God...yes god cause in all actuality i should be either dead really hurt and/or sitting in prison...somebody was watching over me.
p.s. thanks gram
