bluebunnyganstabitch's blog: "A.R.B."

You were happy. You had a fresh start at life and a fresh start at happiness, but I ruined it. I told you how I dealt with a little thing called pain. I told you what I used and I spelled out there names. I told you the feeling, the feeling of relief. The way it felt to be dealt with. I gave you the order, the amount, how many. Enough to be happy, enough to be sane, enough to were u cant here your name, enough to fly to a faraway place, enough to be scared, uncalm & unaware. I gave you the symptoms; the nausea and fatigue. I even told you how much if you wanted to OD. But as crazy has it sounds I was just telling my way. I never thought I'd never speak to you after that day. You started to change. You forgot your normal way, you changed itz name. You used my way, all of it & got the symptoms. But something I'm sorry for, I never told you itz like a drug. And a drug is like addiction slipped under a rug. Like a termite eating at your wood. I shoulda said when to stop and what it did to my life, but I didnt and that night when you used, your body didnt put up a fight. -Renia,

You always knew that one day you'd have to leave the one you want to take. No matter how strong you thought the love was or how strong it really was or what you got out of it. It can still crash and burn. The way it felt was indiscribable. What was yours was thiers to leave or take, whats yours is thiers to make there own. Its always have me, want me, try and love me; but what happened to hold me. Hold me and tell me you love me, tell me im beautiful, not just the familiar hold. Everybody has there share of relationships, some relationships are frivolous, others can be deeply intimate. When comes that very second that you expierence that it has to stop, your heart starts to seperate. Its crazy when you think about it and how great it was. When there ever was a doubt in anyones mind, the love would lean into me. When the world was spinning and you were loosing control, they were the only ones who could slow it down. Call them "steady love". Time comes for choosing, once the infatuaters are gone and the loved ones are lost, theres still that one. That one I loved, the one I had, The one I hurt, decived, cheated on, the one that kept me stable, sane, the one who tried really hard to glue my million pieces together, the one strong enough to fight for me, the one who won and lost, who always waited and always wanted. That "ONE" is still there. Thinking the fairy tale life was w/e, forget the life, forget the money, the clothes, the everything and embrace the "HOLD". The ONE - that great big ball of everything. Your baby..... -Renia,