A Passing. A Loss. I need a HUG!
Current mood: sad
Awww....my morning wake up news was wonderously numb. I find out my G'Father passed on about 8pm, Sunday, 14 Dec. 08...in the midst of the snow storm we were having. Of all the flippin' days that my Mother and G'Mother take a trip over there to see him and they can't, cuz of the fuckin' weather. The news was he hadn't taken any fluids the day b4 and he was slowing slippin' into a coma. The cordless fone was put to his ear and Mother and G'Mother tried to talk to him. He was breathing fast, but he was trying to talk back to them and it was only coming out as grunts. Mom had a feeling it might be the moment of him going.
Anyway! I was feeling numb thru my shower, getting dressed...and then head out the door. I almost couldn't get into my car...it was that frozen. I almost gave up, too. But I didn't want to be inside the house...I wanted OUT!!! I finally get into my car and start it up for the warming it needs. And I gather up my bags and back out of the snow drifted driveway and on my way. I like driving on snow, but it felt odd...so I had to stop and inspect my tires. Tires are fine, but the road of Centerville is ice packed. Man O Man! I was trying to control my driving most of all and watching if I did slide at the stop sign at hwy. 97 or not.
When I traveled down hwy. 97, its just wet and slushy. And I still drive carefully. I am still numb...can't really "feel" what will happen for the day. I was xpecting to see my Mother in tears, but she wasn't. She was writing the obit for the newspaper and I had heard the news of that she was suppose to call her brothers last night to tell the news and instead my Uncle found out the rough part that he passed on by the Veteran's home this morning. Its been all straightened out by the siblings, but it was a bit hair-raising is what I hear. I was still numb with the news upon arrival at the house. I said to Mother, when they 1st put him in there...and wasn't told about it...I made a bee line to find him and he was fine and alright...and the 2nd time I was there to be with my Mother...it was like, I knew he wasn't "there" anymore. He kept asking me "Who is this pretty girl is?" and we kept telling him I was his grand-daughter and all. And after that, I hadn't made any plans to see him with anyone after that. I thought he would last another yr. But as I look at it...it was saying "Good-bye" to him there, cuz I was no longer helping in taking care of him at home.
I call up my cousin, Matthew, and leave a msg on his fone of the news. I call FTDA and he was sorry...I call Ron and got to talk to him for alittle bit...I needed it. I call up Thump...but didn't get to go deep in conversation about it...but wanted a hug or something from him, but it didn't look like he was coming up the hill after work. I didn't want to call anyone else at the time. I am all numb about it. Later in the afternoon, upon starting some chores and a batch of cookies...the loss is trying to settle in and I finish up on the cookies. G'Ma gets all worried that MaryAnne isn't back yet at 5pm and I am not too worried about it. I start up my car, anyways...for I know its frozen, yet again...and I would really love to have it half way warmed up when I do get into it. I did call up Mike and told him about it and told him I was reading some military papers...and was told that the Legion would do the stuff for him w/o the family having to fork out a dime. I am sure my g'parents set themselves up for something in death thing.
My G'Father will be creamated and maybe do a funeral in spring time. When and if G'Mother passes on...their ashes will be combined and buried by my G'Mother Myrtle at Centerville Cemetary, my G'Father's 1st wife and my Mom's Mom.
The family has been notified about his passing. I don't know how well my Sister took the news...when everyone at the Family Reunion this yr got to see him. I was glad to have that in my memories this yr. I need to locate the family member who took the Big Family portrait gathering at the Family Reunion. I would love to have that in my collection of pix...so I can remember that it was a grand rally of ppl of family.
I have yet to have a good cry. I have yet to have a hug from anyone about it. I am going to take this hard, cuz I hate death. And cuz I had taken care of him for a year. May He finds his peace in the Summerlands.
Currently listening :
Confessions on a Dance Floor
By Madonna
Release date: 2005-11-15
