Alright, last night was the moment of truth, she moved her stuff back in, and it went very well. We talked and there were no harsh words said, by either one of us. I explained how I felt I had been treated and she listened. She explained why she did what she did. (Didn't make much sense to me but then she said she didn't understand why herself)
So I helped her set up some stuff and we went to our separate beds. She was up most of the night coughing, and sice I couldn't really sleep anyway I went and bought her some NyQuill.
Seeing her sick as she is, and let me tell you she is almost as sick as I have ever seen her, well it made me feel bad for her. Here she is in very poor health telling me she hasn't really eaten in about two weeks, she looks like hell, and sounds worse.
I got to thinking about the whole thing, she went and did all this stuff to try and fill some void and it all blew up in her face. Her new b/f went back to his baby's mother and basically left her exactly how she was trying to leave me. Alone and with nowhere to go. Now she comes back knowing that she fucked up and there is no undoing the damage she has caused.
I care about her, but not like I used to. Now it's no different than I would anyone else. I don't like seeing anyone sick. No more no less. I'll do little things like buy her some medicine, but anything more than that is not really my concern.
In some ways I wish this had never happened, so I wouldn't have had the ups and downs, the heartache and who am I trying to kid the rage I felt.
On the other hand I have since met some real cool people because of it. I learned more about about myself, I learned more about other people and how far they are willing to go to get what they want. I don't feel guilty for looking at other women and thinking they would be more fun to have sex with because they might want to actually try something different and even put forth some effort and enthusiasm.
I am feeling free again, myself and best of all happy again. I look myself in the mirrorand I am liking the guy that's looking back at me again, and that's all that counts.
