BLACKMOONbellas lullaby U R MY LIFE NOW's blog: "A NEW CHAPTER"

I HATE ALWAYS BEING FIRST TO BE TO LATE. WISH I WOULD HAVE MET YOU FIRST IS A COMMON PHASE I SAY ALOT. AN WRITING A BLOG TO GET MY FEELINGS OUT DOES ACUALLY HELP ME DEAL WITH THE FACT. THAT IM UGLY FAT AN NEVER NAKED ENOUGH FOR ANY GOOD DECENT MAN. YES I AM VERY ANGRY. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I FEEL I HAVE TO COMPETE WITH TO GET THE ONE MAN I DO LIKE TO LIKE ME. BUT IM TO LATE. ONCE AGAIN ALREADY TAKEN GOT TO HIM FIRST. SO I FEEL BETTER NOW I HAVE THAT ALL OUT. AN I WILL NOT BE SO HASTY THE NEXT TIME. ITS SEEMS THE MEN I JUST WANT TO BE FREINDS WITH WANT MORE. AN THE ONES I DO ARE LIKE I SAID TAKEN OR GOING TO BE TAKEN. I JUST CANT SEEM TO BE THERE FIRST. SO I LEAVE ALL MEN ALONE EXCEPT TO SAY HI HOW YA DOING AN LEAVE IT AT NOTHING BEING MORE SAID. DONT THINK I CAN TRUST THEM ANYWAY. OR MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS ONE WILL COME ALONG AN GREET ME FIRST THAT I LIKE AN WANT TO GET TO KNOW. THAT ONE WE WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AN SEE.

SOMETIMES WALKING ALONE IS VERY PEACEFUL, GIVES ONE TIME TO FOCUS. REFLECTION IS A GIFT NOT GIVEN TO EVERYONE. I WRITE BECAUSE IT ALOWES ME TO LET MY TRUE FEELING OUT AN GIVES EVERYONE THAT REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT ME KNOW HOW IM REALLY DOING. AN THE ONES THAT DONT KNOW ME YET INSIGHT ON HOW I AM IN REAL LIFE. I CARE ABOUT MANY THINGS, AN YET MANY THINGS DO NOT CARE ABOUT ME. I CAPTURE THE ONE TRUE THING ABOUT LIFE AN HOLD IT CLOSE TO MY HEART. NOT MANY PEOPLE SEE THE BLEEDING HEART SIDE OF ME BECAUSE THEY ARE BLIND. I CARE NOT ABOUT MATERIAL THINGS, NOR MONEY. AS YOU CAN TAKE NONE OF THEM WITH YOU WHEN YOU DIE. I CHOOSE TO INSTEAD LEAVE MY LIFE WITH THE ONES THAT HAVE BRUSHED UP AGAINST ME, AS THEY WILL NEVER FORGET WHO I WAS (SOMETIMES). IM NOT ABOUT POINTS, MONEY, GAMES, SEX, OR BETRYAL. THERE ARE A FEW SOULS I LOVE VERY MUCH!! SOMETIMES THEY KNOW AN SOMETIMES THEY CHOOSE NOT TO SEE. I AM ONLY FOR ONE! AN SOMETIMES HE FEELS ME VERY CLOSE. AN SOMETIMES WELL JUST THAT SOMETIMES. I LOVE WHO I AM BUT SOMETIMES I THINK THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. HURTING IS WHO IM NOT, LOVING IS WHO I AM. BLESSED BE AS I AM FOR U ALWAYS. WATCHING AN WAITING. LOVE YOU ALWAYS.

WANTED TO LET OUT A FEW CONCERNS AN FEELING I HAVE GOING ON. THE TRIP TO ARIZONIA WAS BOTH EMOTIONAL AN YET REWARDING. I WONT VENTURE OUT TO FAR IN THIS BIG CITY. DRIVING TO WORK IS BAD ENOUGH AN BACK TO MY NEW HOME.. LIVING WITH THE PARENTS IS GOOD FOR NOW. NOT HAD TO DO THAT IN A VERY LONG TIME. HAVE ALL I NEED HERE. LIFE WITHOUT INTERNET WAS NOT TO BAD GOT A LOT DONE AROUND THIS PLACE I LIVE IN. I DO ON THE OTHER HAND CRY A LOT WHEN I LOOK AT THE 600 PICS I TOOK OF THE DIFFERENT AREAS OF HUTCHINSON KANSAS. AN FAMILY AN FRIENDS I LEFT BEHIND. I STILL FEEL VERY ALONE AN ISOLATED. AS I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY HERE. JUST THE OLDER SENIOR CITIZENS, MY MOM AN STEP DAD KNOW AN ARE FRIENDS WITH. I AM THE YOUNGEST MEMBER OF THIS SENIOR COMMUNITY PARK THEY LIVE IN. MY MAIN CONCERN IS I KNOW I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT HERE FOR ANOTHER REASON OUTSIDE TO HELP TAKE CARE OF MY MOM. I KEEP THINKIN OF WHAT OR WHO THAT REASON MIGHT BE. TIME AN CHANCE IS THE ONLY CONCLUSION I BELIEVE IN. NO MATTER HOW I FEEL LIFE IS GREAT MOUNTAINS ARE SEEN EVERY NIGHT AN EACH MORNING. I TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. AN HOPE SOON I WILL BE FINDING OUT THE REASON IM HERE. TO MY REAL DAUGHTER HEATHER, AN MY OTHER 2 DAUGHTERS I HAVE ADOPTED. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, I LOVE AN MISS YOU!!! AN MY PRECIOUS GRANDDAUGHTER GRANDMA HAS YOU EVERYWHERE::: HEATHER DON'T LET HER FORGET WHO GRANDMA IS PLEASE

HI I JUST WANTED TO TAKE THE TIME TO LET ALL MY FAMILY, AN FREINDS KNOW THAT THIS IS MY LAST BLOG BEFORE I LEAVE FOR ARIZONIA, I WILL BE TEARIN DOWN THE COMPUTER IN THE MORNING... SO I WONT GET TO SAY GOOD BYE TO ALOT OF YOU. I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER I WONT BE GONE LONG. AN I LOVE YOU ALL... JESSI MY BEST FREIND WILL BE MY CHERRY TAP INFORMER TO ALL OF YOU THAT ARE CLOSE TO ME, TOO LET YOU KNOW I HAVE MADE IT THERE AN THAT I AM OK. AN WHEN I WILL BE UP AN RUNNIN ON THE NET AGAIN.. JESSI, LYNN AN HEATHER, I WILL MISS YOU EVERYDAY!!! I WILL LEAVE YOU COMMENTS BEFORE I TEAR DOWN THE COMPUTER AN PACK IT AWAY. I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT WAY YOU DONT THINK IM DESERTING YOU. IM STILL SCARED OF THE NEW EXPERIENCES THAT LYE AHEAD OF ME AN THE VERY BEST OF BEST FREIND IM LEAVING BEHIND.... JESSI LEE I WILL MISS YOU THE MOST YOU HAVE BEEN THE BEST FREIND AN BEEN WITH ME THROUGH GOOD GUY TIMES AN BAD GUY TIMES LOL.. BUT REMEMBER AS I DO WE HAVE PHONE, INTERNET, AN VACATIONS. ALL 4 OF US GIRLS JESSI, LYNN. HEATHER, AN I WILL BE GIRL POWER FREINDS 4-EVER I LOVE ALL 3 OF YOU!!! YOUVE MADE ME SEE THAT AFTER ALL , I CAN BE FREINDS WITH GIRLS INSTEAD OF ALL THE WOMAN HATEIN ME ALL THE TIME. SO I SAY GOOD BYE FOR NOW AN WILL SEE YOU WHEN I GET MY INTERNET FIGURED OUT AFTER I GET TO ARIZONIA.. <<<<< AN TO MY HEART >>>>>>> I LOVE YOU

AS THE TIME IS NEARING FOR ME TO LEAVE THE LIFE I HAVE KNOWN FOR OVER 17 YEARS, IM GETTING EXCITED BUT YET SCARED OF WHAT IS TO HAPPEN WITH ME AN TO ME. PHEONEX, ARIZONIA IS FAR THE BIGGEST CITY I HAVE EVER LIVED IN. AN LEAVING THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE BEHIND ME. MY CHILDREN, AN MY GRANDDAUGHTERS. THIS MORNING I GOT A TEAR OUT OF THE EYE OF THE 90 SOME YEAR OLD WOMEN I WOKKED WITH FOR 2 YEARS IN THE DAIRY DEPT. WHO NEVER SHOWED THAT KIND OF EMOTION BEFORE THIS MORNING AN A VERY BIG HUG, SHOWING ME I WAS AFTER ALL IMPORTANT TO HER AN GOING TO BE MISSED. AS I WILL NOT SEE HER AGAIN. IT WAS MY LAST NIGHT TO WORK WITH HER. AN MY FREINDS I HAVE MADE HERE OVER THE YEARS I HAVE LIVED IN KANSAS, YES SOME ARE FROM WALMART. BUT THE ONE I WILL MISS THE MOST IS MY BEST FREIND JESSI. AS I FEAR WITH ME GOING AWAY!! WE WILL LOOSE TOUCH AS FREINDS OFTEN DO IN THE SHUFFLE OF EVERYDAY LIFE AN TIME CHANGES. AS I WILL BE 2 HOURS BEHIND HER TIME AN 3 HOURS BEHIND MY FAMILY AN FREINDS IN OHIO AN EASTERN COAST OF THE WORLD. I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! IF I HAVE SAID THE WORDS " I LOVE YOU " IT MEANS JUST THAT. I WILL MISS KANSAS, MY WALKS IN MY PARKS I LOVE SO MUCH. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THIS. AN JESSI I PUT THIS SONG TO THIS BLOG BECAUSE IT GOES WITH IT. ITS PERFECT BECAUSE I WILL BE CRYING AS I LEAVE AT 4AM ON THE MORNING OF JULY 6TH. THANK YOU FOR DEDICATING THIS SONG TO BEING OUR BEST FREINDS SONG. YOUR MY GIRL AN I LOVE YOU!!!!