I want everyone to hear me in the dead of the night. When I write the things I cannot forget or remember to hear out loud. There is truth in the world and in family. The most wonderful aspect of life is living and loving and experiencing things you didn’t think you ever could. The strongest part of me is in the truth of my mother, she is so hopeful and loving even when she is not treated well. One day I hope I am just as good and beautiful as she. I am preceded in death by my most amazing family members (may they rest in peace) I am with-drawn and enlightened by their wisdom and love, to stay around so long when nothing works for them anymore. How precious our life is and how long it takes the average Joe to realize it. I have been licked by the death tongue and thank god, lived another day to see how I am loved and cherished. My best friend was out of town and when she got back home was completely lost in finding where I was staying. I am grateful that she would even try and know she was there laughing with me and telling me that I will get through this. My father and mother would come and stay with me, we would play cards as if we were camping in a really clean and sanitary wilderness... lol. It amazes me how my family has moments where they all want to kill each other for selfish and greedy reasons. Then we eat and laugh like we are at a party. Sometimes they don’t make the best decisions and that’s why we are always here to make sure they survive. I think we all forget sometimes that help is always on the mind, for we love to help each other more than ourselves and in the journey end up resenting someone or an action someone has done for us. I think quite often that I should have re-born out of my "near death experience" but being who I am, I feel that it was not a big deal and nothing changed in me except for having to be cautious of certain drugs and foods. I took on that responsibility so willingly and was determined to see it through. I want to kick myself for not applying the same determination to everything else that I do, I have let go (which is sometimes a good thing) even though what I have let go is probably not the right things. I need to glorify myself and really believe I am someone special. See there are these things I want to do with my life that may seem to other people trivial but I have to believe that my life when I die will be complete so I can say "man I failed many times, but I succeeded in doing so and succeeded when I tried to see things through." I am an emotional person as I am sure you are reading here, some people cant believe I have the stamina that I do. Sure there are times when I am like a one woman circus but I have that right and all it takes is one hug from someone that I care about to make me feel better. When you see "the littlest things make me happy, I am simple to please, determined and strong, and that makes me the woman I am" its so true, the more you get to know me the more you will realize that. I am a hard person to love it seems and easy to hate because I am honest when talking to you and always there when you need me. I so care about people and love being around people that I sometimes seem like a bitch or that I am not having fun, which in truth I am reveling in how these people are (living, loving, hating, gossiping, or just venting to get an issue out) so completely different but simply the same in one way or another. We are all afraid and scared to be heard, rejected, loved, and available for people we hardly know. I want to give major shout-outs to those I know that are coming to the realization that we are who we are and only they can change themselves. Also that the courageous efforts it takes to do that and respect others opinions and resentment towards that because its not easy for everyone to accept change, give it time and you will see what a wonderful life it can be. I also want to thank everyone who is there for me (even if we argue a lot Lena, Dad, Chas, Grams, Auntie Cheryl) my family, my friends, and the people I am coming to know, and will meet in the future! Well I must end this chapter of drama and leave you with one thing to say I respect you even though I may not like you sometimes. I will always respect what you bring to my life whether it be a lesson in what not to do or a helpful suggestion in what I need or should do. I hope you all have a fantastic day, week, month, or year! Asta luago!
