RockMonstah SER's blog: "A life so unordinary its well... ordinary."

SO.. I went to Salem this weekend to visit my mom, sister, and nieces. It was a good time I guess except for the hangover that haunted me all day. After visiting with them I went to go see a few friends before I left town to come back to this hole in the mountain town called Oakridge. I went to see one and ended up seeing three all the the same place. Of course it was good to see them and chat for a bit, but I did get an earful about how I left town and it was like I fell off the edge of the Earth never to be found again. So on the drive home I was thinking about past friends and how what he said was true.. I do disappear off the edge of the Earth when I skip town. I guess I do it so much that I never really notice that I do. I also don't mean to disappear the way I do, but things happen, and I guess I get caught up with work and trying to make new friends in the new area. So to those folks out there.. sorry.. I will eventually come back around to say hi.

Yeah.. so you ever get to the point where you start jotting stuff down that comes to mind, but every time you write one thing down, three more pop into your head? Yeah it gets so overwhelming that you can hardly catch up bc by the time you get a few thoughts out, you still got around 9 more lurking around. Then you get so flustered bc you have all these thoughts, but putting them down and getting them organized into something legible seems a harder task than it already is? Grrr sometimes I just really hate being an over thinker! Fuck this, I need to go read a book to clear my head.

Yeah more than meets the eye and hell no I am not a robot in disguise. I think my disguise is the internet. I talk to people and most of them are women. Now the real question.. would I talk to them person? Probably not, not unless they spoke to me first or I was forced to talk to them like if I was at work or something. Yeah I know I hear it all the time, it is nothing special, just talk to them like you would talk to anyone else you know, and they will talk to you back. Yeah yeah easier said than done. I have been married twice, have 2 kids by the first marriage, and you would think this an easy task by now. Hell most of the GFs I have met have been online and eventually we hit met in person so talking to them face to face is a bit harder for me to do. I don't really consider myself an exciting person(yeah I know, great way to sell myself) and I think with the way my marriages ended it almost sets me back and takes away all hope. Ok, not all hope, but most of it. I have a trouble being flirty and I think its mostly bc of whats happened to me relationship wise I am subconsciously blocking it out or something. I concentrate more on getting to know about the person by facts and info they tell me than by the way the mood strikes. I dunno know I am starting to think too much and it is clogging up my thought process. I think thats my problem.. I just think too much instead of doing.

Well thats whats sitting in front of me, so thats what I am gonna title it. I guess I am just at a loss for words or actions. I am at this crossroads where I don't know where to go or how to get there. Its not like I don't try, it just seems bad shit turns up at every road. No nothing new has happened; it is an ongoing event. I hide it, shelter it from everyone else and pretend nothing it wrong. Do I want to discuss it further from this post with anyone? No, not really. Will more blogs come up about it? More than likely. I guess my only wonder about this thing is, shit happens for a reason, but what is the reason this shit is happening? I have grown to the point to realize that there is nothing I can do about it and I just accept it no matter what I do. Is it to the point of dying over it? Of course not. Nothing could bring me to the point of that. Its like I have become numb to the effects of stupid shit that happens on a day to day basis that I almost really care less about what happens, yet at the same time I grow tired of hiding in the shadows. Lost yet? Yeah, so am I.

So anyways I go into court this morning and lucky me, I am the first person they call up. Now it was a small court, about 6 other people in there, and you still have the sense they are staring at the back of your head lol. So the judge reminds me what I did and asks for a plea.. well yeah I obviously did it and there was no way of getting out of it, so I took the guilty plea and tried to get on my way. Then he finds humor in the fact that I am here at court, pleading guilty, and I have no way of paying them anything at all today. I am thinking you know, I don't wanna be here in the first place, and then you mock me for not having the cash right away. But hey.. after it was all done I am glad I didn't get popped with an SR-22 or anything. So remember kids.. keep those insurance cards on you or in you car with you at all times.. BAH!

Well I have picked my guitar numerous amounts of times to learn how to play. I get so far and I do alright with the new beginner stuff. Then I get busy doing other things and I lose that. Bah! So anyways, I am trying for another go at it again. I do want to learn to play. I just think I have too many things going on at once. More than anything I guess I just have to make time. On a side note, one of those other things is getting my motorcycle done. I have done a lot of work on it the last couple days and there is only a few things left to do to it. The biggest thing is actually sitting down and making sure I get all the small dents smoothed out and get the primer on it so it is ready to paint. Will be happy that this will finally be done and I can go ride.