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i miss u

My dear friend, I miss you so much everything in my life is crazy like always.and Im about to snap nothing in my life is the way i want nothing i do ever seams to be right. mabey its me you know i have always been my own harshest judge. I can always point out my flaws and hate myself for everyone of them. Your the only one who loved me even though i had so many you taught me to love and except others the way god made them.so why does no one love me that way?why do I want something i cant have? why is that the one thing i will never have?The only thing that makes life worth living? I'm sorry im letting u down im letting myself down.My problem is that i let myself be ruled by my heart not my head and in the end my heart is what pays the price for wanting what every little girl wants true love.some times i wish i stayed that thug miss that cold harted bitch. not not some times all most all the time I wish i was numb inside again.I dont want to hurt anymore.I dont want to miss u or be here in a world without you my dearest my best friend.im lost and confused.Im so sick of trying to be who im not and not being wanted for who i really am.i feel like this broken beaten down caged animal and i want out. you know what i really want is to go back like oh say 15 years or so do it all over again and do it right this time.not beleiving in love or fate or happy endings not bying in to the fairy tails they brain wash us with cause there is no perfect person out there. there is no happy endings theres none of that crap.i know i bost my head and tell myself im perfect and tell others i am im god ha yeah right the truth is that when im alone i rip myself apart i hate me so much it should of been me not u..... i love u my habbi.....thank u for being the kind of person u were and thank u for letting me have a little while of excetance ...I will forever miss YOU.....
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16 years ago
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